The following words of wisdom previously uttered by Lewis Grizzard in his 1985 best seller “Shoot Low, Boys- They’re Riding Shetland Ponies” (Ballantine Books) are presented as a sign of welcome to any newcomers from California who were forced to sell their home bungalow for the median price range in excess of $1.1M and move to Choo Choo Town.
LG’s words, spoken in good faith to the Beverly Hillbillies migrants, apply to the decorations to be displayed in their freshly mowed and meticulously groomed yards.
He also defends the historical custom of the display of fake refugee birds from the Hialeah race track in Miami based on a misguided point of view:
And possibly their biggest misconception of all is that the pink plastic flamingos positioned in many front yards are "tacky." Nothing could be further from the truth:
LG wrote, "Tasteful, well-bred individuals normally paint the trunks of the trees in their yards white; line their driveways with old tires, also painted white; plant flowers between the tires; and place at least three pink flamingos strategically about the lawn."
I remember the day my family moved into a new home. How I swelled with pride when my parents allowed me to stick the legs of our new plastic pink flamingos in our front yard.
"Does this mean we are a tasteful, well-bred family and no longer common riffraff?" I asked. "It does, indeed, son," answered my mother. How could anyone, even an unenlightened Yankee person, refer to plastic pink flamingos as "tacky"? They lend a tropical flair to any yard. They are graceful in their posture, and their pink color blends most pleasingly with the green hue of the grass, just as a red shirt accentuates a black polyester suit.
My boyhood friend and idol, Weyman C. Wannamaker, Jr., a great American, had a dozen plastic pink flamingos in his yard. Weyman's mother was president of the local garden club, and her yard was the annual winner of the "House Beautiful" award in our community.
Mrs. Wannamaker, being a woman of exceeding taste and breeding, complemented her flamingos with a ceramic hen being followed by her baby chicks, and various other lawn statuary including ducks and deer and one marvelous piece in the form of a fat Sumo wrestler, which she got for free when she purchased four chenille bedspreads.
Mrs. Wannamaker's yard was also quite impressive at Christmas. Her annual decoration included Santa's sleigh being pulled by-you guessed it-eight pink flamingos. When asked about his mother's Christmas decorations, Weyman said, "My mother is a very sick person."
I would like to add in closing that I have just purchased a new home and have ordered two pair of pink flamingos from the Sears catalog. I haven't decided for sure, but I think I'm going to put them next to the little birdhouse that says, "See Rock City" on the roof.
My neighbors will be pink with envy.”
(New arrivals may also become winners in the “One Chattanooga House Beautiful” contests held by local Garden Clubs!)
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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com
Jerry Summers