The recent Republican Convention in Milwaukee (July 15-18) starring Hulk Hogan, MTG, and Tennessee 3rd Congressional District Congressman (CF) as featured platform speaking stars brought up the eternal political question of whether you are better off now than you were four years ago.
The answer to this question was stated by the advisory genius from Moreland, GA (LG) back in 1991 in his best seller “You Can’t Put No Boogie Woogie on the King of Rock and Roll” (Villard Books- New York) when he exclaimed that “we’ve been hearing about certain economic indications lately and economists look at things like housing starts, retail sales, and the hemlines of women’s dresses (sexist?) to predict what’s forthcoming for the economy!”
Over the years LG developed his own set of economic indicators which had proved trustworthy:
1. Golf Tees: If you play golf, notice how many perfectly good tees have been left on tee boxes. If there are lots of them, then the economy is fine;
2. People are in such good shape financially they don't even bother to bend over and pluck their tees out of the ground after they've hit;
3. If there are no tees left, it means people are tightening their belts, and you might want to show up for work one day next week instead of lollygagging around on the golf course. Deion Sanders: If his monthly bill for jewelry drops under $100,000, tough times are ahead;
4. Roach Motel: If you notice yours has a lot of vacancies each time you check in, even the roaches are feeling the crunch and staying home more;
5. Tipping: If you leave your waiter a lousy tip and he not only complains, he also attempts to pistol-whip you, it's a sign you should be at home eating fish sticks instead of being out at a fancy restaurant;
6. Ex-wives: If more than one calls in a single day to complain about the amount of alimony you're paying her, you can bet the price on such luxury items as pocketbooks and silky things they wear at night for their boyfriends has gone sky-high;
7. Jesse Jackson: If a crisis breaks out somewhere and Jesse's not right in the middle of it making speeches, it means whoever picks up the tab to send him all over the world has decided to cut back;
8. My dog, Catfish, incidentally, thinks the economy is in sad shape. He's been eating off copies of old campaign literature lately; and
9. My subscription to The Wall Street Journal ran out and I was afraid to reup. Jesse hasn't been in the Middle East in weeks now.
(In our usual display of political neutrality it should be publicly pointed out that the frontrunner in the Third Congressional District race- Democrat JA (rich banker from Athens by way of Lafayette, GA) has amassed a campaign treasure trove with a balance of $6,614 compared to the Republican incumbent’s modest sum of $2,714,848 as reported on July 19, 2024. Further updates will be featured as the voting public attempts to consider their choice in the November General contest.)
PS: The $2,900 cab fare from Milwaukee’s Mitchell International Airport after the Republican National Convention following the Crowdstrike software meltdown will “appear on the next campaign of disbursement in three months”, according to the incumbent underdog’s staff.
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Jerry Summers