Roy Exum
About halfway into the process of getting this week’s edition of “The Saturday Funnies” assembled, I had the stark realization that this would be the last before Christmas morning, so you’ll see a few more videos than normal because this is my favorite holiday. I’ve included some of the music that makes me cry because they touch my soul, like one from Vince Gill and his daughter Jenny, and another by Harry Connick Jr., but there is a new one for folks who have lost a loved one from The Piano Guys that is extra special, too.
Let’s start like we always do with riddles because they make us laugh:
1) What do you call an old snowman?
2) What do you call people who are scared of Santa?
3) How long should a reindeer’s legs be?
Before we share this week’s answers, this is a good time to inform folks we do not write The Saturday Funnies, Instead, they are gleaned from the many funny emails and jokes shared over the internet during each week.
Be mindful, we are always on the lookout for any funnies, as long as they are so clean and pure that a 15-year-old daughter can embrace each story and its funny message. Please send us your favorites!
This week’s answers:
1) Water!
2) Claustrophic.
3) Long enough to touch the ground.
Here we go into The Saturday Funnies!
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ONE OF SANTA’S REINDEER IS POSED A QUESTION
Pretend that you are one of Santa's reindeer.
A reporter from the North Pole Gazette asks you to name all 10 of the reindeer.
What do you tell her?
Answer - Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph (No Olive is not the other reindeer!) and (your name here).
(If you don't get it, reread the first line.)
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THE KID WHO KEPT HIS PROMISE
The pastor was looking over the creche the day after Christmas when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing. He went outside and saw a little boy pulling a new red wagon.
In the wagon was the baby Jesus.
He walked up to the boy and said, "Hi, there. Where did you get the baby Jesus?"
The boy answered honestly, "In the church."
"Why did you take him?" the pastor asked.
"Well," said the boy, "I prayed to the Lord Jesus and asked him for a wagon for Christmas.
I told Him that if He gave me one, I'd take Him for a ride in it."
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WHAT SOME OLDER GIRLS WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when Emily, a young lady about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap.
Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?' 'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly. 'Something for your mother?
Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
Without hesitation Emily answered, 'A son-in-law!'
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A CAGEY GRANDMOTHER’S STRATEGY
One Christmas, a mother decided she was no longer going to remind her kids to send thank you notes. Consequently, the kids’ grandmother never received any thanks for the Christmas checks she sent to the kids.
The very next Christmas, all the kids stopped by in person to thank their grandmother for their checks.
When asked by a friend what caused this change in behavior, the grandmother replied, “Simple. This year I didn’t sign the checks.”
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THE POWER OF A “THANK YOU” NOTE
This letter was sent to a High School Principal's office in Broken Hill, Australia, after the school had sponsored a Christmas luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a lucky door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift today…
Dear Sir,
God bless you for the beautiful wireless I won at your recent Senior Citizens Luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the St Anne’s Nursing Home for the Aged. All my family have passed away, so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.
My roommate is 95 and has always had her own wireless, but she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband and she wanted to keep it safe.
The other day her wireless fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine and I was overjoyed after all those years, to be able to tell her to (expletive phrase).
Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.
God bless you all,
Sincerely,
Edna
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WHAT YOU HEAR WHEN YOU MIX TRUTH WITH HUMOR
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy
7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Case
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O’Rourke
10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat, French economist (1801-1850)
11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986)
12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! -- P. J. O’Rourke
14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire (1764)
15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! -- Pericles (430 B.C.)
16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866)
17. Talk is cheap, except when Congress does it. – Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill
20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class, save Congress. -- Mark Twain
23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. -- Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)
24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -- Thomas Jefferson
25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. – Aesop
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THIS WEEK’S BEST VIDEOS
* -- Country music icon Vince Gill sang one of my ‘Top Ten’ favorite Christmas songs with “Let There Be Peace on Earth” but midway through the song, the vocals were taken over by his young daughter and the song became one of my “Top Three favorite Christmas songs. CLICK HERE.
* -- All you need to know is this is André Rieu performing “Silent Night.” Wow! CLICK HERE.
* -- One of the greatest Christmas songs ever … this is Harry Connick, Jr. and “When My Heart Finds Christmas” CLICK HERE.
* -- When their van broke down in South Carolina, this little group of gospel singers wandered into the Florence Baptist Temple where they are having a “Singing Christmas Tree.” They volunteered to sign … if it would be okay? Yes, the bass singer stole the show, as over 6 million viewers already know. CLICK HERE.
* -- If you are missing someone you love this Christmas, this one’s for you. CLICK HERE.
* -- This is a great 2020 Christmas treat from DocMorris, a huge pharmaceutical company in the Netherlands. CLICK HERE.
* -- A huge shopping mall in Berlin was bustling when a “flash mob” materialized to thrill all with “Gloria.” CLICK HERE.
* -- The USAF Band Holiday Flash Mob 2014 at the Smithsonian's National Air and Space Museum CLICK HERE.
* -- Never forget the greatest Christmas gift is love. CLICK HERE.
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To those who share our laughter and many others who have sent stories and jokes that make us giggle, please accept our warmest wishes as we celebrate the Christ Child’s birthday. May the coming year be centered on healing and happiness and love for one another.
royexum@aol.com