Roy Exum: The Saturday Funnies

Saturday, September 18, 2021 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

“Be happy and before long, the Lord will give you a reason why.”

* * *

As most know, the funnies are not created by me but are shared in the emails that arrive each week. One delightful soul, let’s call him Joe, is unrivaled at the funniest jokes he shares week after week and look at the joy he shared this week. Some one-liners …

* -- I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.

* -- If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

* -- I hate it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.

There so stupid.

* -- Which way did they go, how many were there, I've got to find them, I'm their leader.

* -- If I've learned anything in life, it's that not enough people are at a loss for words.

* -- There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

* -- Elect a Clown, expect a Circus.

* * * 


Q1: Fives apples are in a basket. How do you divide them among five girls so that each girl gets an apple, but one apple remains in the basket?

Q2: Tuesday, Sam and Peter went to a restaurant to eat lunch. Neither Sam nor Peter paid the bill, but it was paid, so who paid it?

Q3: In 1990, a person is 15 years old. In 1995, that same person is 10 years old. How can that be?

Q4. Two men are playing chess. They play five games. Each man wins three games. How is that possible?

Q5. A girl was ten on her last birthday and will be twelve on her next birthday.  How is this possible?

Q6. Why do Chinese men eat more rice than Japanese men?

* * *


Dear Mom and Dad,

I guess you heard by now that the dorm burned.

We were all in the basement smoking pot, and I guess somehow we set the dorm on fire.

But no one was hurt, and we got most of our belongings out in time.

Oh, and I'm getting married soon. You see, I have to, because I'm going to have a baby...

You'll meet Bruno soon, he has lots of tattoos, he's got a really swell Harley and is in a motorcycle club...

Actually... I'm not pregnant, and I don't even know anyone named Bruno... and I'm not going to get married.

There was no fire, and I wouldn't know what to do with pot... but I did flunk chemistry, and I just wanted you to be able to put it into perspective!

* * *


A1: Give four girls an apple and one girl the basket with an apple in it.

A2: Their friend, Tuesday.

A3: The person was born in 2005 BC

A4. They aren't playing each other.

A5. Today is her eleventh birthday

A6. There are more Chinese men than Japanese men.

* * *


When a guy's printer began to make noise, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably just needed to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied.

"We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves."

* * *


Late one night this guy is speeding down the empty road.

A cop sees him go flying past, chases him and pulls him over.

The cop goes up to the car and when the man rolls down the window, he asks, “Are you aware of how fast you were going, sir?”

The man replies, “Yes I am. I’m trying to escape a robbery I got involved in.”

The cop looks at him disbelievingly and asks him, “Were you the one being robbed, sir?”

The man casually replies, “Oh no, I was the one who committed the robbery. I was escaping.”

The cop is shocked and surprised that the man has admitted this so freely.

He says, “So you’re telling me you were speeding…and you committed a robbery?”

“Oh yes,” replies the man calmly. “I have all the loot in the trunk.”

The cop is now starting to get angry and says, “Sir, I’m afraid you have to come with me” as he reaches into the window to take the car keys out of the ignition.

The man shouts, “Don’t do that! I’m afraid that you’ll find the gun in my glove compartment!”

At this the cop pulls his hand out of the window and says, “Wait here” as he returns to his car and calls for backup.

Soon there are cars, cops, and helicopters all over, everywhere you look.

The man is quickly dragged out of his car, handcuffed, and taken toward a cop car.

However, just before he is put in the car and taken away a cop walks up to him and says, “Sir, this officer tells us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment.

“However, there has been no robbery and we didn’t find any of these things in your car.”

The man replies, “Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!”

* * *





Roy Exum: ‘Almost’ Never Counts

Roy Exum: UT Fans Vs. The World

Roy Exum: The Saturday Funnies

Football notes from a Saturday … It is wonderful that “social media” is all bubbly in the belief Tennessee “almost” beat Alabama in Tuscaloosa this past weekend. But, in reality, the Vol faithful ... (click for more)

No sooner than the last hurled water bottle was caught by Lane Kiffin last weekend, a Tennessee beat writer wrote, “After the chaos, there was more trash remaining in the stands than was on the ... (click for more)

Baseball’s World Series begins this week and The Saturday Funnies salutes maybe the best player to ever appear in the Series … WHO WAS ‘YOGI’ BERRA & WHY WAS HE SO FUNNY? A LITTLE BACKGROUND ... (click for more)


Roy Exum: ‘Almost’ Never Counts

Football notes from a Saturday … It is wonderful that “social media” is all bubbly in the belief Tennessee “almost” beat Alabama in Tuscaloosa this past weekend. But, in reality, the Vol faithful should thank their lucky stars for three most unusual quarters before the Tide, now ranked third in the land, won by 28 points (the betting line was 27½.) The game’s biggest difference ... (click for more)

Roy Exum: UT Fans Vs. The World

No sooner than the last hurled water bottle was caught by Lane Kiffin last weekend, a Tennessee beat writer wrote, “After the chaos, there was more trash remaining in the stands than was on the field.” Tennessee, unfortunately as a whole, was roundly castigated across the country a week ago when a late fourth-quarter referee’s call went against UT and its fans rained debris, water ... (click for more)

Breaking News

Police Said Woman Who Struck Motorcyclists Appeared To Be Heavily Intoxicated

Chattanooga Police said a woman who struck four motorcyclists on Bonny Oaks Drive late Saturday night appeared to be extremely intoxicated. Police also said that 59-year-old Angela Daniels Mason (Watson) had to be removed from the scene because of hostility toward her. Police said the motorcyclists were trying to turn into 4278 Bonny Oaks and Jefferson Marley got off his motorcycle ... (click for more)

2 Shot And Killed Saturday Afternoon And Night In Chattanooga

Two men were shot in separate incidents Saturday afternoon and night. Tawon Billups, 21, was shot and killed on North Germantown Road Saturday afternoon. At approximately 4:54 p.m., Chattanooga Police responded to the 700 block of North Germantown Road on a report of a person shot. Upon arrival, officers located a man suffering from a gunshot wound and secured the scene. ... (click for more)


Homecoming Week For Mocs Highlighted By Freeman, Sears SoCon Player Of The Week Nods

It’s Homecoming Week for the Chattanooga Mocs. That brings a lot of excitement and energy to campus life. The week is off to an excellent start with news that Rashun Freeman and Aaron Sears earned Southern Conference Player of the Week presented by GEICO honors for their effort in a dominating 55-13 win at Samford. Freeman’s Defensive Player of the Week nod is his first of ... (click for more)

UTC Women Host Wofford In SoCon Soccer Opener

The Chattanooga women’s soccer team will play host to Wofford Tuesday evening in the first round of the Southern Conference Tournament. The Mocs tied the Terriers for eighth in the league standings and, by way of a tie-break, earned the No. 8 seed and will host the ninth-seeded Terriers. The match is set to kick off at 6:00 p.m. at the UTC Sports Complex. Admission and parking ... (click for more)