Jerry Summers
Shortly after an anonymous unidentified source dropped off the multi-colored sketch of Beautiful Broad Street under my door, I accessed the September 29 finely written press release by the head of the non-profit River City Company (favorite public service entity of both foreign investors and local developers) inviting public comments as to how the unused and often vacant throughfare from Jack’s Fishbowl (not my words but those of a narrow-minded backward citizen in the past) to Martin Luther King Boulevard (Big 9) which will also affect the pattern of traffic to the foot of the lower level of Lookout Mountain and the also seldom (?) used turn lane to enter historic St.
Elmo.
The professionally stated equivalent of a local Gallup Poll in six pages has sought the comments of more than just the 350 expert and knowledgeable members of the Chamber of Commerce (COC) who supported a minor $80 million project (the eyesore) which has resulted in my office receiving copies from my total reader population of 50 dedicated readers (it’s still climbing) which includes the below majority opinions of some of the comments of the other 385,000 citizens of the GIG CITY and its outskirts.”
THE RESULTS ARE SPECIFIC AND ACCURATE WITHIN A PLUS OR MINUS RANGE OF 40%!
Question No. 1: How often do you visit or travel on Broad Street?
Response: “Only during daylight hours!”
Question No. 2: How do you get to Broad Street?
Response: “On bicycle when the single lanes on both sides of the street are overcrowded.”
Question No. 3: Why do you travel on Broad Street?
Response: “One of the pot hole free thoroughfares left over from the Berke administration.”
Question No. 4: What are your top three favorite things about Broad Street?
Response: 1. “Observing sleeping daytime new migrants to the area dozing on the sidewalk of the Scenic City.” (photo available upon request)
2. “Premature response but if Miami’s Design Team Plan includes port-o-lets on every corner they should be decorated by local graffiti artists paid by a local, state or federal grant.”
3. Too many to pick only 1 more but some though are listed in response to Question 6.
Question No. 5: “If you could improve ONE thing about Broad Street what would it be?”
Response: Document reply – “Rename the new and improved street ‘Narrow Minded Boulevard’ (besides any street named “Broad” is sexist and shows a disdain and disrespect for our gentler female companions in Choo Choo Town.”
Question No. 6: “On a scale of 1-5, how would you rate the importance of each of the following areas to create a premier downtown street?
A. Trees and Shrubs – Response – “Extremely Important” – “Cut the 40-50-foot trees down and the birds will go somewhere else and tourists won’t complain about the droppings on their new electric vehicles.” (You can also check Google under the topic for removal of the product if the plan doesn’t win public scrutiny.)
B. Sidewalk width – Response – “Extremely Important” – Increase bike lanes to three on each side of the street to increase revenue so Council members won’t have to vote on property tax increase before the next election.
C. Fun/Interesting Spaces – Response - “Extremely Important” – Provide McKamey Animal Shelter Annex to avoid ASPCA discrimination and class action lawsuits because not enough green spaces for “love critters” to do their business.
D. Safety – Response – “Extremely Important” – Insure it is up to a standard equivalent to East 10th-13th Streets.
E. Outdoor Restaurant Seating – Document Response – “Extremely Important” – “Bring back a Krystal restaurant or obtain Costco franchise annex to implement their $1.50 price for non-Nathans hot dog and soda.”
F. Bike facilities – Response – “Extremely Important” – See answer to Number 2.
G. Proximity to Public Restroom – Document Response – “Extremely Important” – Adequate as long as JB, MB facilities and the parking garage of MCC are available. (Historic buildings between 7th and 8th Street).
H. Parking – Response – “Extremely Important” – Cut out free Sunday parking so that more immigrants from the North, etc. can attend church services in the former “Buckle of the Bible Belt.”
I. Retail Stores – Response – “Extremely Important” – Bring back Hardie & Caudle Men’s Clothing Store.”
J. Cleanliness – Response – “Extremely Important – “Are you serious?”
Number 7. Other thoughts or comments to share with Florida design team?
Response – “Elvis has left the building!”
DEMOGRAPHIC QUESTIONS:
About you and your household and all answers are anonymous
Document survey replies:
A. Zip Codes – “Lookout Mountain, Signal Mountain and Walden”
B. Age range – “Less than 103!”
C. Race – “Daytona 400, Indy 500”
D. Another race – “Undecided”
E. Gender Identity – “Not sure”
It is respectfully requested that all public officials including the new City Attorney, (keep Phil Noblett), new Chief Financial Officer, and new Director of Public Works, etc. consider these opinions.
The survey can be found here.
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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com)