Having solved the problems of the potholes being filled in The City of Chattanooga elections, Hamilton County should consider the present Hamilton County Sheriff’s multi-million-dollar proposal of turning the Silverdale Correctional Facility into a five-star government-funded resort and elimination of the crime problem outside Mary’s Bar on McCallie Avenue, in order that the dedicated voters of Hamilton County can now turn their energy (and money) to the November 2022 donnybrook.
(Relax, if you think this old fool is going to jump in that political pit of poisonous snakes involving the potential public servants.)
I will take the cowardly step of referring you once again to Lewis Grizzard’s (LG) Best Seller, “Shoot Low Boys–They’re Riding Shetland Ponies” (1985 Ballantine Books) where he makes reference to some of the favorite remarks by politicians with a public statement, and then reveals what they really mean with their double talk.
Although he listed fifteen favorite quips about politics, I will only re-state a few and respectfully suggest that you go on-line or visit your favorite used bookstore and try to locate a copy of the aforementioned best seller of 1985 and enjoy them all in the 234-page humor filled paperback!
Some of LG’s favorites in that list follow:
1.) When a politician says, “We’re still checking the results of our latest poll,” (what he really means is, “I paid a fortuneteller fifty bucks to predict my chances, and she said that if I got two thousand votes she’d eat her crystal ball.”);
2.) “A heavy turnout will help us” (Meaning: “If all my cousins bother to vote, I might hit double figures.”);
3.) “I think bad weather on election day would definitely benefit my opponent” (Meaning: “My support is so weak that I’ll lose half my votes if there’s more than a ten percent chance of rain.”);
4.) “We haven’t had any attention from the media” (Meaning: “I bought drinks for two television reporters and a newspaper columnist, and all I got in return was stuck with a fifty-dollar tab.”);
5.) “I don’t know how my opponent could stoop so low as to bring something up like that” (Meaning: “You rig just one little million-dollar construction bid and everybody wants to make a federal case out of it.”);
6.) “We’ve run a clean, honest campaign” (Meaning: “I spent $25,000 on private detective fees and couldn’t come up with a damn thing on my opponent.”);
7.) “You can’t run a campaign as inexpensively as you once could” (Meaning: “Votes aren't nearly as cheap as they used to be.”);
8.) “I’m just a simple country boy (Meaning: “The closest I ever got to a cow was ordering Steak Diane at the country club.”);
9.) “Now that the campaign is over, I’m looking forward to getting my life back to normal” (Meaning: “I’m not going to sober up for a week.”);and
10.) The people have spoken” (Meaning: “If I’d known I had that many enemies, I’d have carried a gun.”).
(The aforementioned observations and those of Lewis Grizzard as they apply to modern day politics may also be applicable to local, state, and national politics and are once again left to the subjective interpretation of the reader during the November, 2022 and 2024 political election cycles.)
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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com)
Jerry Summers