The recent announcement by the People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) that they had convinced the University of Tennessee (UT) College of Medicine in the Gig City to immediately stop using live porcine (pigs) in its surgical and medical training programs would not have gone unnoticed or not commented on by the late humorist Lewis Grizzard (1947-1994). That is especially so since he was an expert on both pig valves and the 1982 mechanical aortic valves, having undergone four of the procedures. Three were from the now PETA “Protected Pig” and one from a mechanical valve that almost killed the Sage of Moreland.
When L.G. was 15 he was diagnosed with a heart murmur that didn’t “go away” as initially predicted by an examining doctor.
When he was asked by the United States Army to take a draft physical in 1968 during the Vietnam conflict at the age of 21 a defect of his aortic heart valve was found and he developed a new line of comedy arising out of his personal and intimate relationship with the kind hearts of Porky/Petunia (no sexism inferred) that allowed him to enjoy life as the author of close to 25 best selling works of laughter, humor, and controversy to a vast nationwide audience in 450 syndicated newspapers.
Whether it was a concern about a potential decline in the availability of bacon, hot dogs, or pork (like 2022-2023) or the never-ending search for a better tool in the low cost medical profession of America, a mechanical aortic valve has continued to be developed for several reasons and assist any “PETA'S Pals” device which was inserted in LG’s shaved hairy chest and almost killed him. The procedures put him on a lifetime regimen of blood thinners, which at that time the drug of choice was Coumadin/Warfarin, which abruptly ended on March 20,1994 with his death.
Throughout his life beginning in his 1982 classic, “They Tore Out My Heart and Stomped The Sucker Flat” (PeachTree Publishers Limited) and updated in “I Took a Lickin’ and Kept on Ticking” (And Now I Believe In Miracles) (1993 - Villard Books) the humorist made numerous funny comments about his relationship to the parts of the porcine donors in his chest cavity.
Items such as a perceived “oink” in his voice, a sudden disdain for barbecue, desire to roll around in the mud on occasions, and other connections to his “pig pals” would not allow the PETA campaign to go unchallenged and to surrender to the pressure of the campaign group.
The recent press release announced the end of any painful practices on the pigs by residents and the good doctors in training at the medical facility adjacent to the idle Engel Stadium, the ruling by the Big Orange Board and the present head honcho of the Tennessee Smokies’ minor league baseball team, that had kept L.G. alive was being stopped.
In a spirit of fairness the attached “Our Mission Statement” by the “Porcine Protectors” is stated in its entity:
“People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals(PETA) is the largest animal rights organization in the world, and PETA entities have more than 9 million members and supporters globally.
PETA opposes speciesism (https://headlines.peta.org/end-speciesism/), a human-supremacist worldview, and focuses its attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of animals suffer the most intensely for the longest periods of time: in laboratories, in the food industry, in the clothing trade, and in the entertainment business. We also work on a variety of other issues, including the cruel killing of rodents, birds, and other animals who are often considered “pests” as well as cruelty to domesticated animals.
PETA works through public education, investigative news gathering and reporting, research, and animal rescue, legislation, special events, celebrity involvement, and protest campaigns.”
The personal appeals of 97,000 loyal animal lovers in objecting to the inhumane slaughter of the beloved boars, sows, cows, and piglets might result in a Titanic battle between two giants in the meat industry if L.G.’s latest pig valve was still functioning and his millions of readers, critics and followers might take a slightly different point of view than the public(and private) funded teaching institutions at the 3rd Street (Chatt.) and Cumberland Avenue (Knox) locations. L.G. versus PETA might outdraw the latest “Wrestle Mania.”(In reality, some medical researchers claim that the cow aortic valves are the best to insert into a patient but it is not greatly recommended for use because of the prohibitive costs of T-Bones, Sirloins, and Hamburgers).
A variety of current animal and mechanical aortic valves are available for consideration on the world wide web including those available at L.G. 's favorite place of valve insertion - Emory Medical Center in Atlanta.
Who Knows? The formation of a “Protect Porky Political Party '' for the 2024 Presidential Election might become more important than the minor issues of abortion, crime, inflation, etc.
(Any political interpretation in today’s media circus is left to my few readers! We can only speculate as to how L.G. would have responded?)
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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com
Jerry Summers