To the ever increasing new foreign immigrants to the Gig City and the outlying portion of Hamilton County this article is dedicated.
The definition of “Whomp Biscuit” is expressed by Lewis Grizzard, Jr. in his 1992 publication, “I Haven’t Understood Anything Since 1962- And Other Nekkid Truths” (Villard Books), where he readily admitted that he had stolen the “Whomp Biscuit Theory” from the great American storyteller, Jerry Clower of Yazoo City, Mississippi:
“Jerry, who married his wife before she had a chance to get ruined, says that a man who gets homemade biscuits every morning for breakfast is very unlikely to stray. Those cute little flat-bellies one might find in some dark drinkery are awfully delicious-looking themselves, but a man getting homemade biscuits would have his priorities in order and go on home to his wife.
"But then came the “whomp biscuit.” That’s a biscuit that comes in a can. In order to get the can open, it’s necessary to beat it across the corner of your kitchen counter.
"That opens the can, and there sit six of the poorest excuses for biscuits you’ve ever seen, which likely had been kneaded by some damn machine.
"When you beat a can of biscuits on the corner of a kitchen counter, it makes the following sound:
“Whomp!”
Jerry Clower said, “One of the saddest sounds you can hear in the morning is them cans of biscuits going ‘whomp’ all over the neighborhood.”
A man with a shot at a flat-belly isn’t going to turn it down with nothing more to look forward to the next morning than “whomp biscuits.” ”
(Who knows? If I ever get through the L.G. material a whole new venue of funny stories could possibly open up about another great deceased comedian Jerry Clower!)
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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com
Jerry Summers