“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I’m not sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein
“Falsity in intellectual action is intellectual immorality.” Thomas Chrowder Chamberlin - 1888
Not too long ago I got a call from a fishing buddy asking what I had been doing lately. This sort of inquiry, from this particular friend, while somewhat social in nature, generally meant that he was more than likely searching for a more challenging brand of piscatorial adventure because he was likely bored with his present fishing experience. June has a tendency to do that sort of thing to some of my friends.
What had I been doing lately? Well, there was the mowing and the accompanying slow dance (read tango here) with the frustrating old weed whacker. There was the getting up of downed fences and the hanging of gates. There was watching the neighbors trying to predict rain and keeping the cut hay dry. There were the strenuous visits with primary care practitioners and the legal drug peddlers for “Big Pharma”. There were the seemingly endless trips to the grocery store, the feed store, the post office, and the non-ethanol and diesel dealers. Every now and again a trip or two to the aiming fluid emporium was in order. There were beans, cucumbers and squash to pick, garlic to pull and tomatoes to stake. There were horse hooves to trim.
The lengthy and laborious list of what I had been doing lately just seemed to rumble into the phone like some slow moving freight train, at some busy street crossing traffic jam, where you’re trapped in the mid-day heat. A dead stop in a jeep with the top down, no AC and you forgot your hat.
My buddy on the other end of the line took all this sad news quietly. After a pregnant pause he blurted out, “ Well @#$%, have you been fishing any at all?” I could sense that he was a bit frustrated with the sorrowful self inflicted account just provided.
Maybe this lack of fishing lately was something a little weird that I had accidentally stumbled on, thanks to Google. Miss Google told me unexpectedly that; “Fish feel pain; science shows, but humans are reluctant to believe it.”
Now there’s a good bit of science that I simply find difficult to understand, much less believe. Maybe it’s simply a comprehension issue, or the fact that when I was supposed to be studying science in some school or two, I spent a rather protracted amount of time trying to look up my lab partners skirt. But, the science that’s unbelievable to me is every bit as prodigious a list as the humid June chore list previously enumerated above.
Somehow this scientific research of fish feeling pain thing caused me to augur in a little more than I probably should have let it. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but like most things that worry me about the fine art of science, this one about why fish don’t scream when they feel the hook or the net, got to me a little more than usual.
Sentient Science tells us that, “The number of fish that die annually from human activities surpasses that of any other vertebrates, and yet many people believe that it’s more ethically permissible to kill a fish than, say a pig or a cow.”
Thankfully, they left out the ethics of killing of the squirrels that are ravaging my green tomatoes!
Science Focus goes on even a bit further with this discussion of fish killing; “When one considers the sheer scale at which fish are being killed, the suffering of fish is worth dwelling on.”
So, that profound statement got me to dwelling on a little.
Science Focus gets deeper quickly; ‘’Are fish capable of feeling pain? The simple aster is YES. Many scientific studies over many years have demonstrated that fish feel pain.”
Now I’m no scientist, but I somehow guessed this, especially when I try to remove a gang of treble hooks out of the mouth of a fat fishes mouth. Not a lot of science too it, it just looked like pain to me. Especially when the hooks wound up in one of my fingers. The last time this happened I vividly remember loudly remarking to the big bass, “Brother Bubba, I feel your #$%^ pain!”
Then Science Focus dives even a bit weirdly deeper; “When fish are pricked behind the gills with a pin, their nociceptors produce a rush of electrical activity to the brain. The nociceptors also stimulate areas of the brain that are crucial for conscious sensory experiences, like the cerebellum, the telcum and the telencephalon.”
Now when I think of traditional scientists, my first visual picture that comes immediately to mind is that of good old Dr. Frankenstein. Not sure why, maybe it’s just lingering effects of childhood trauma from watching too much TV at a young age, and having the crap scared out of me by some big scar faced monster. What ever the reason, when you say the word scientist, I see the good Dr. Frankenstein and his badly failed experiment.
Now let’s go back to the fish experiences in the cerebellum, the telcum and the telencephalon, what ever in the $%^& they actually may be.
Someho I visualize some evil looking, short haired girl, fresh out of some ivy league laboratory, wearing a blood splattered lab coat and goggles. This fiendish looking young thing is inserting electrodes into the brain of some drugged up three pound trout in a tub. And, after the drug wears off, the poor trout is flopping all over the lab floor while this evil scientist is “pricking” the hysterical fish behind the gills with a pin to prove that the hysterical trout is experiencing pain on some chart that measures electricity. All of this in a fish brain the size of a @#$% pea!
If you’ve ever stuck an arrow behind the gills of a four foot long gar, you’ve got a pretty good mental picture of what’s going on here.
I question if when these evil scientists conclude these evil experiments, proving that these poor defenseless fish really feel pain, do they have a big fish fry? Imagine what the hush puppies are made of! Maybe it’s not all that ethical to fry up a mess and eat a brain dead trout after you’ve stuck wires in the telencephalon.
I’ll bet if some short haired, evil looking, young ivy league girl, in a blood splattered lab coat and goggles stuck a hot wire in your telcum you’d by #$% let her know about it right quick and she wouldn’t need any $%^& electrical recorder to measure your level of pain.
Well, science gets exponentially worse! According to sentientmedia.org; “In 2002 a study sought to test a trout’s psychological state, not just their physical reactions when exposed to pain.” This group of evil British scientists tortured trout with Legos, morphine, naloxone and other opioids! HOLY @#$%!
Just try, if you will, to imagine a big Brit laboratory fish fry with a mess of messed up and dead trout, killed by an overdose of opioids! Never trust any British scientist at a fish fry my friends.
We can all thank Google for bringing us these terrifying images I guess. But, that’s not why I haven’t been fishing lately. No, it’s not about guilt, or any ethical considerations about the wanton slaughter of millions of vertebrates. No, it’s not about the hot wiring of some fish brain in the name of pain research.
It’s all about the #$%^ June chore list. Now that’s pretty damn painful!
I hope you can still fish without feeling the least bit guilty. I just can’t seem to get there from here right now. Damn the evil scientists and their electrodes and their opioids. Damn the June chore list.
Send comments to whiteoakmtnranger@gmail.com if you don’t feel the pain