Diana Walers
Boomers, if you’ve been married or in a relationship for a long time, you have learned that love is a lot different now than it was when you were 20 or 30. Remember falling in love? Do you remember when love was synonymous with sexual attraction? The wildly beating heart when your love was near? Missing him or her when you weren’t together? Thinking about him constantly?
Rich and I met when I was 40, he was around 50. I remember wanting to be with him 24/7 when we were falling in love.
Time and circumstances usually change our perception of everything—including love.
The years pass by and although there are many things you still want to do together, you have no desire to spend
every moment of
every day side-by-side, at least the couples I know don’t. You each have interests that don’t include the other.
So what is love all about when you’re 60 or 70 years old and have been together for many years?
Love is less about sexual attraction, more about companionable moments, about laughing at the same things, and being on the same wavelength, not about everything, but about the most important matters. Love is about recognizing each other’s flaws and accepting them even when you don’t like them. Older love is about taking care of each other when one of you is sick. It’s about holding hands before a procedure or surgery, knowing the other will be there when you awaken. It’s about becoming a fixture at the hospital, ensuring he drinks and eats and is given proper care. It’s about recognizing his pain by facial expressions even before he asks for medication.
As I sat with my husband in the hospital these last few weeks, I reflected on love and its varied aspects. We’re home now. It will be a while before Rich’s fractures heal and he regains strength, but we have faith that God is working to heal him.
Our wedding vows stated we were together “in sickness and in health.” I wonder if those wedding vows are spoken these days. When you’re young and healthy you never imagine what that promise will someday entail.
Older love is about knowing you can depend on the other to help you meet any challenge life throws at you. And aging will definitely bring challenges.
There’s no better description of love than in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
That’s the ideal love. It’s difficult to attain because no love is perfect, but a stable, long-term love probably comes close. It’s worth striving to achieve.
Young love is filled with sexual tension and excitement, especially in the beginning. If young lovers remain together a long time, it may turn into the rich, settled love many of you boomers have experienced.
Mature love is about having a hand to cling to in good times and bad. And it’s about finding comfort in knowing you’ll still be holding hands when one of you takes your last breath.
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Diana Walters retired from paid employment at age 76. Now 77, she is again working half-time, volunteering, writing and spending time with her husband. She believes we all need a purpose to get up every day and not having one is the downfall of many a senior. One of Diana’s purposes is working on this weekly column. She enjoys hearing from readers and can be reached at dianalwalters@comcast.net.