Lee Davis
At the close of the year, one sporting milestone nearly escaped us. With the passing of Kim Jong-Il we saw the loss of one of the world’s great multi-sport athletes. And, given his persistent penchant for international strife, we thought it would be a mistake to omit his accomplishments from Athletes-in-International-Court.
Politically, Kim Jong-il was an unpredictable, international pariah. In the world of sports, however, he may have been one of the greats. At what you may ask? Well… everything. In his first match at Pyongyang Lanes, the “Dear Leader” bowled a perfect 300; at least according to a report by state-run news media. This triumph on the lanes is simply par for the course, Kim is also reported to have a gotten five (or 11, if other reports are to be believed) holes in one and shot 38 under par on his first attempt at golfing. PGA spokesman says; Kim Jong-il, “sadly, we never knew you.”
Not content with mere personal displays of athletic prowess, Kim pushed his country to match his own achievements on an international stage. According to a recent article by Jeré Longman in the New York Times, Moon Ki-nam, a former North Korean soccer coach who defected in 2004, said that before the 2010 World Cup, successful players were rewarded with apartments. A wonderful bounty bestowed by Kim. Sadly, the pendulum swung the other direction as losers were often shipped to work in the coal mines.
Rule #1 for any winning North Korean athlete was to credit Kim with their performance. When Jong Song-ok, a North Korean runner, won the women’s marathon at the 1999 world track and field championships in Seville, Spain, she told reporters that, “I imagined in my mind the image of our leader, and this inspired me.” Imagine 26 miles and 385 yards of that man in your head.
Kim and his son, the new leader Kim Jong-un, are both reportedly rabid basketball fans. Kim’s son, while attending a Swiss boarding school, developed a love of the great Michael Jordan. The Washington Post wrote in 2009 that Kim Jong-un was said to have little interest in politics and would instead while away the hours creating meticulous drawings of his hero.
Kim’s eccentricities are apparent in several strange soccer-related episodes. At the 1999 World Cup, the North Korean team arrived in the U.S. with a noticeable lack of dental care. One player required treatment which was paid for by FIFA. Afterwards, five or six other North Korean players professed similar problems in an attempt to have their teeth cleaned for the first time.
At the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, FIFA decided to bar access by the media to North Korea’s coach, Kim Jong-hun. At the time, reporters were clamoring to ask about recent claims that he had been receiving strategic updates from Kim directly via an invisible cellphone invented by the Dear Leader. If that’s not gospel truth then I don’t know what it is.
Unfortunately for the team the direct line to Kim must not have helped much. After losing three times, including a 7-0 shutout to Portugal, the North Korean team returned home in disgrace. The humiliated team was placed on a stage at the Palace of Culture in Pyongyang and publicly castigated for six hours in front of 400 government officials, students and journalists. Such behavior makes sports talk radio seem positively benign.
Things only got more bizarre at this year’s Women’s World Cup in Germany. After North Korea lost to the U.S., the coach concocted a completely sensible justification; five of the team’s players had just been struck by lightning. On a 70 degree day. With blue skies. Sounds about right.
Five of those same players recently tested positive for steroids. Not so say the North Korean officials, it was merely deer musk glands. FIFA did not fall for the tale and now the team is banned from the 2015 Women’s World Cup.
With Kim Jon-il now gone the time has come to assess his contributions to the sporting world. Brandel Chamblee, a Golf Channel commentator, summed up the sentiment of many by saying the world may have lost the greatest athlete it had ever known. “Imagine the schedule he kept. Eight to 11 — enrich uranium. One to four — destroy the world. Four to seven — play golf, shoot 11 holes-in-one and call it a night.”
(Lee Davis is a Chattanooga attorney who can be reached at lee@davis-hoss.com or at 266-0605.)