Roy Exum
A 26-year-old woman, reportedly nude from the waist down, fell through the ceiling – not once but twice – Tuesday night in a Kingsport, Tn. barbecue restaurant. Harley Morton, obviously under the influence of an unknown, came tumbling down into the kitchen when a ceiling tile gave way. The cook called the cops, but by the time they arrived, the athletic Harley had hoisted herself back up into the ceiling again.
The police went onto the roof, finding her wallet and an air-conditioning screen she had allegedly pried away to gain access. All the while, those above and below could hear Harley – that’s right, just like the motorcycle – running around on the ceiling. Finally, another tile broke and the half-nude woman crashed down in the restaurant’s dining room, where she was apprehended.
What is amazing to me is that once the story of the woman’s mishaps oozed into the national news, well over 5,000 of your fellow Americans could not resist making comments on various venues. It is solid proof America still has a sense of humor and, just for giggles, I am going to share some rather astute observations that I think are funny before we, as a society, try to overcome yet another sad situation that is tragic.
Probably the best quip was the thought that two of our favorite barbeque beer drinkers, Bubba and Louie, didn’t even flinch when the Morton woman “dropped in.” But Bubba did turn to Louie and say, “Why don’t you try to pick her up?”
Louie, whose headlights have never been on bright, nestled down beside Harley and, instead of helping her to her feet, tried this pickup line, “Angel, I hope it didn’t hurt when you just landed from heaven … wanna’ cold beer?”
Some of the other gems:
* -- “Aren't you cursing your baby girl by naming her Harley? Seems like you're just asking for trouble. (Retort: “They were gonna’ name her Hog…”)
* -- “At least no journalist is wasting their time writing about all the environmental hell Eastman Chemical has done and is doing to East Tennessee!”
* -- “When I was 13 I would pray a woman would fall through my ceiling!”
* -- “Did someone slip her a roofie?” (Retort No. 1: “Sounds like she slipped in through the roofie!; Retort No. 2: “Thanks. Now I can't stop laughing and I'm in a store. Lololol”)
* -- “I bet the cook needed some salt and prayed for some Morton’s”
* -- “I’ll order one!” (Retort No. 1: “Um … does that come in take-out?” and Retort No. 2: “I’d like that to go and, no, I don’t want fries with that.”)
* -- “Just another Trump follower looking for the rally.” (Retort: “More like a Democrat looking for some drug money.”
* -- “New item on menu, ‘Bottomless Shank.’”
* -- “It's stories like this that keep intelligent life from visiting our planet.”
* -- “Bet she votes for liberals.” (Retort: “Not likely being from Tennessee. Perhaps Marsha Blackburn needs an intern?”)
* -- “Only half-naked??? I want my money back!”
* -- “It's amazing what stunts some people try to pull off to skip the wait line.”
* -- “You'll fall head over heels for our BBQ!"
* -- “Another ‘High IQ’ Democrat”
* -- “They were calling the order back to the chef, and yelled: 'TWO THIGHS, TWO BREASTS, SOME RIBS, AND MORE BUNS!!!”
* -- “Did anyone’s fortune cookie predict this?” (Retort: “Cookie say … ‘You may feel lonely, but soon a young woman will FALL for you.”
* -- “One of the irrefutable laws of the universe is this: Whenever a partially naked woman crashes through your ceiling, she's always the type you don't want to see in any stage of undress.”
* -- “Just like the sign said, ‘We are open 24 hours, drop in any time!" (Retort: “Was there a sign that said, ‘No loitering in the lobby?”
* -- “This story reminds of one that happened in a city close to my hometown about 20 years ago: A would-be thief climbed on top of the roof of a convenience store at 2 o'clock one morning with bad intentions. Using an assortment of tools, he broke through the roof and ceiling into the store--only to discover the store was open. I don't think he was Ivy League material.”
* -- “She was liberal identifying as a ceiling tile.” (Retort: “You are killing me. lol.”)
* -- “So that's why they are called "drop ceilings".
* -- “Kind of makes ya wonder don't it?? Whose living in your ceiling?? With my luck being bad as it is, it would be Hillary and Maxine Waters.”
* -- “You just can’t help some people until they hit rock bottom on their own.” (Retort: “and get BBQ sauce on their rock bottoms.”)
* -- “Phil Bredesen said that it's okay, she voted early.”
* -- “Honey, I swear … I was just sitting there and a half-naked woman dropped through the ceiling.” (Retort: “Yeah, right … pack your things.”)
AND THE BEST ONE …
* -- “Ma'am, if you're reading the comments about your own story - have faith, you can even make it back from this. People feel sympathy for you even though they suck on comments. Most people would want you to succeed - you can!”
royexum@aol.com