Roy Exum: The Saturday Funnies

Saturday, July 13, 2019 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

Hurrah for the Saturday funnies! This week’s collection is not a very good collection on ‘political correctness’ but that’s not the intention. We can laugh about anything! As longtime readers know, I neither write nor edit the funnies that arrive in my email every day. I save the funny ones and hope you’ll enjoy them.

* * *


Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, a terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:

* -- Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

* -- What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?

* -- Does the man look poor or oppressed?

* -- Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?

* -- Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

* -- Could we run away?

* -- What does my wife think?

* -- What about the kids?

* -- Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

* -- I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

* -- This is all so confusing!

A Republican's Answer: BANG!


Click... (Sounds of reloading)



Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!

Wife: ‘No! You are not taking that to the Taxidermist!”

* * *


My Grandfather served and watched as his friends died in WWI. My Father served and watched as his friends died in WWII and Korea. I watched (1st hand) as my friends fought and died in Vietnam. I watched as our friends and children fought and died in Desert Storm. I was there…

I watched and waited while our friends and children fought and died in Iraq. None of them fought for or died for the Mexican Flag or any other foreign flag. Everyone fought for and died for the U.S. Flag! 

In Texas, a student raised a Mexican flag on a school flagpole; another student took it down. Guess who was expelled? The kid who took it down.

Kids in high school in California were sent home this year on Cinco de Mayo because they wore T-shirts with the American flag printed on them.

Enough is enough. This email needs to be viewed by every American. And every American needs to stand up for America. That includes NFL players who disrespect our flag and everything it represents. Including all those who served and sacrificed.

We've bent over to appease the America-haters long enough.       

I'm taking a stand. I'm standing up because the hundreds of thousands who died fighting in wars for this country, and for the U.S. Flag can't stand up. And shame on anyone who tries to make this a racist message.

Let me make this perfectly clear – This is my country.

And, my making this statement does not mean I'm against immigration. As a matter of fact, you are welcome in our country … welcome ! … to come through legally:

* -- Get a sponsor.

* -- Get a place to lay your head.

* -- Get a job.   

* -- Live By Our Rules.

* -- Pay your Taxes.

* -- Learn our language like millions of immigrants have in the past.

* -- Please understand that you are not eligible for Social Security funds.

We have gone the other way and we’ve bent over backwards not to offend anyone ... but it seems no one cares about the American citizen being offended.

I am offended. Who do I see about it?

* * *


2020..........many choices, tough to decide, but a wide open field on the dem side.  Gee, just not sure which benefit I want at this age...sadly, I don't see the one about love solving all problems, really like that one though. 


Gonna be hard to figure out who to vote for in 2020.

1. Biden's gonna cure cancer

2. Kamala's handing out reparation money to blacks.

3. Bernie's gonna forgive all student loans.

4. Warren's gonna send reparation checks to homosexuals.

5. Beto's gonna eliminate our nation's borders.

6. Booker's gonna increase welfare programs.

7. Klobuchar's gonna make Washington DC and Puerto Rico states.

9. Swalwell's gonna vacate the 2nd Amendment.

10. Buttigieg's gonna eliminate the Electoral College.

11. Trump's gonna secure our borders, build our economy, strengthen our military, ensure America never becomes a socialist nation, protect Israel, reduce taxes, protect the unborn, follow the Constitution, eliminate unfair trade, clean up government corruption and ensure Iran doesn't use the billions of dollars and nuclear technology Obama gave it to build bombs.

Hmmmm. It is still early but I just can't quite make up my mind...”

* * *


For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near. “Yes, Father?” said the nurse. “I would really like to see Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest.

“I’ll see what I can do, Father” replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Chuck and Nancy were delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Chuck commented to Nancy “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.” Nancy couldn’t help but agree.

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Nancy ‘s hand in his right hand and Chuck’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.

Finally, Nancy spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”

The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” The old priest continued, “He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."

THIS WEEK’S VIDEO – With the outlandish behavior and the stream of profanity that marred the USA women’s soccer championship, here is a different tribute to America that was aired by US rodeo. I like this much better. CLICK HERE.

The Real Work Begins

Roy Exum: The Saturday Funnies

Global Pandemics And Public Education Leadership

The real work begins Jan. 20 and all of us are going to be in for a roller coaster ride rivalling all the chaos of the previous administration. Attempting to govern when confronted by 70 millions ... (click for more)

Not so long ago we started kicking off The Saturday Funnies with some of our favorite riddles, which can be a lot of fun. As you have just discovered, quarantining at Thanksgiving isn’t as much ... (click for more)

We are all learning when it comes to COVID-19. We have no idea which direction the pandemic may go, where there will be more outbreaks, or how bad it could become. The good news is our medical ... (click for more)


The Real Work Begins

The real work begins Jan. 20 and all of us are going to be in for a roller coaster ride rivalling all the chaos of the previous administration. Attempting to govern when confronted by 70 millions of folk that feel they were cheated and yet, fraud is non existent in an appreciable way. But we continue to believe what our leaders tell us to believe and discount fact. My uncle Joe ... (click for more)

Roy Exum: The Saturday Funnies

Not so long ago we started kicking off The Saturday Funnies with some of our favorite riddles, which can be a lot of fun. As you have just discovered, quarantining at Thanksgiving isn’t as much fun but did you notice when we cut the crowd, our gratitude was allowed to get larger? It seemed we had more time to focus on our treasures, and there is something that is pretty much fun ... (click for more)

Breaking News

Heavy Rain And Then Snow Showers In Forecast For Chattanooga As Warm Temps Retreat

Heavy rain and then snow showers are in upcoming weather forecasts for the Chattanooga area as warm temperatures retreat. An approaching storm is expected to bring up to two inches of rain on Sunday night. Then there is a chance of rain and snow on Monday night as the mercury drops to 28 degrees. Here is the upcoming forecast: Sunday A 30 percent chance of showers, ... (click for more)

Tennessee Has 3,052 New COVID Cases, 13 More Deaths; Hamilton County Has 320 New COVID Cases And 1 New Death

The number of coronavirus cases in Tennessee is 366,518 on Sunday with 3,052 new cases. There have been 13 more deaths from the virus, for a total of 4,554, said state Health Department officials. Hamilton County had 320 new COVID-19 cases on Saturday. The new total is 17,826. There was one more death from the virus in the county since Friday, bringing the total to 153. ... (click for more)


Lady Vols Impressive In 40-Point Rout Of Western Kentucky

Kellie Harper expected one of two teams to show up for Tennessee’s women’s basketball opener on Saturday. The Lady Vols coach anticipated a squad that was going to be either too tentative or one that was overly aggressive. She got some of first version at the outset before UT found a better gear in routing Western Kentucky 87-47 at Thompson-Boling Arena. The Lady Vols were ... (click for more)

Owens Scarfs Up Loftovers Notching His 20th Victory; McCarter And Brooks Double Up With Back-To-Back Wins

Jimmy Owens of Newport, Tn., scarfed up the leftovers Saturday at 411 Motor Speedway outside Gatlinburg, devouring the $5,000 prize for the Iron-man series finale. The 5th annual "Leftovers" event at the 3/8's mile Mitch McCarter family facility drew an amazing series record of 52 Super Late Model entries that saw "The O-Show" notch his 20th victory of the season. Owens' racing ... (click for more)