Since more than 30 days have expired and the author of the first article under the title has not been sued by the National Organization of Women (NOW) for defamation and injunctive relief, the unwise decision as been made to finish the rest of the historical comments on the subject by Lewis Grizzard (LG).
In the first article published on December 2, 2022, LG admitted to having preferences in his lack of success with ladies in his three failed marriages.
His fourth trip down the matrimonial aisle was abruptly ended after his last aortic valve replacement failure at the young age of 47 years. Although his fourth marriage seemed to be working, it had not endured the test of time and the ultimate success/failure outcome would be speculative.
In his book “Elvis Is Dead and I Don’t Feel So Good Myself” (1984 Peachtree Publishers) he lists 28 possible characteristics as to “what sort of women I would want to marry if I would want to marry again.”
An arbitrary selection of 10 of those traits was made and this writing will continue with a few more of his special wants and needs in the selection of a new bride:
1. I still like women who don’t know everything that I know, so I can tell them something occasionally and they can look at me like I’m quite intelligent.
2. I don’t want a woman who is in any shape or form involved in the martial arts.
3. I don’t want a woman who gets into drinking bouts with Marine recruits and maintains a winning percentage.
4. I want a woman like women were in 1962, because I remember them as being soft and nice to hold and, like Merle Haggard said, they could still cook back then and still would.
5. I don’t mind if girls grow up to be president these days.
6. I don’t think women should be given smaller wages simply because they’re women, but what do I do with these old-fashioned feelings that were instilled in me?
7. What can I do about the fact that a woman in a coat and tie carrying a briefcase doesn’t do much for me in the area of physical attraction? I didn’t come here to take out a loan, madam, I wanted to hug you and kiss you on your mouth.
8. I want a woman who was raised in a rural atmosphere and whose mother taught her to bake pies and fry chicken and make gravy and iced tea.
9. I want her to have no ambition beyond making me very happy and comfortable, including giving me back rubs at night.
10. I want her to be open and willing sexually, but I don’t want her to insist on anything acrobatic that could cause me to have a back injury or get an eye put out.
There are several more women characteristics in LG’s chapter in the Elvis book but he and the author in this article have both been noted for their diplomacy and always know when to shut up and not push the envelope in this issue. (No effort is made to make a comparison with LG but his relationship with the fairer sex may have been a contributing factor to his demise at age 47 in addition to his heart valve problems)!
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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com
Jerry Summers