Jerry Summers
(The following article was first partially published on March 25, 2022 and individual readers can determine the extent of the tremendous progress made in just three years?)
Although he died in 1994 prior to the large local migration from California, New York, and other high tax locales in America to the once Scenic City of the South, (Chattanooga), Lewis Grizzard (LG) made a correct prognostication in his repeat of an article in the Sunday edition of the Atlanta Journal Constitution that was published in 1998 by Longstreet Publishing (this can't still be their name?) edited by Gerrie Ferris, titled, "Southern by the Grace of God".
"The migration patterns that brought northeasterners to Atlanta's elite northern suburbs also sent people from other regions to spots around the metro area. These settling patterns...have brought a new sense of place to dozens of Atlanta neighborhoods, influencing everything from local politics to the inventory at the corner grocery store."
Included are 178 pages of short articles that are repeats of LG’s humorous columns that ran in syndication in 450 newspapers across the nation before his death stopped him from typing out his gut- busters on his manual Royal typewriter at the age of 47.
In my 2022 goal to attempt to read (or re-read) all of his published books as a sequel to my 2021 survival after a hang gliding episode, I often sit down looking for a good laugh by the sometimes named, "Mark Twain of the South," (although the good folks up in Jamestown in Frentress County claim Samuel Clements' mother was with child when the family moved to Florida, and then on to Hannibal, Missouri.)
The aforementioned paragraph constantly aroused in my mind a comparison of Atlanta to the perceived progressive town of my birth, (now Gig City).
In two consecutive articles LG addresses the topics of "Georgian by Birth" and "Southern by the Grace of God," which easily could be translated into the lives of any native born Chattanoogan.
Although I try to quote and rely primarily upon the written words and expertise of Moreland, Georgia’s favorite son, (with some not so subtle amateur remarks), I wish that LG was still here to put his spin and analysis of some things that often apply to other residents of the Dynamo of Dixie: (past tense).
It is a correct statement when
(1) A representative of the purchaser of the large apartment complex on Broad Street next to the not-so-fragrant smell of the chicken factory claims that "we are in line to be the next Austin, Texas or Nashville, Tennessee?" (folks before you jump on these band wagons, I suggest you look up their problems with expansion.);
(2) How helpful is the reduction of four lanes of traffic in some of the main entrance routes into the Downtown into two exits escape roads (one going each way) with bicycle lanes on each side of the street. A griping motorist claimed that they saw a bicycle rider about once every three weeks on their way to and from work; (P.S. They did see a bike rider on 3-7-22 but he was on the sidewalk). Occasionally a band of the non-motorized “Wild Bunch” will commandeer the wide avenues at the dangerous life threatening speed of 3 miles per hour. The number of complainers would probably drop substantially if they were treated equally as the non-electric bikers and not have to pay a registration fee at the Hamilton County courthouse.
(3) Since the City Mayoral elections are over, I can now comment that I have not seen our daily elected Chief of State of Choo Choo Town (remember that?) on the streets with his beach shovel and bucket of tar filling in potholes.
(4) The announced crack down on speeders may result in brownie points to get more taxpayer money from NHSTA (National Highway Safety Transportation Administration) and GHSC (Governors Highway Safety Commission) but when you are vehicle number 9 behind a CARTA bus that stops frequently to pick up 2-3 riders and a tractor trailer rig from Ohio that missed the turn to get off of the freeway occupying a narrow single lane of traffic it is not a soothing experience.
(5) Will the $343 million upgrade of the antiquated sewer system in place since shortly after WWI and 10 years of ignored provisions of the 20-year consent decree (2012) time limit be corrected and my property taxes be lowered?
(6) Will the 30 x 40 multi- story houses on every vacant lot be acquired by developers and sold to the cash heavy refugees from California, New York, etc?
(7) Can local state government further reduce the load on the sewer system and the proposed three additional sewage storage tanks be designed to enhance the beauty of other residential areas?
I admit that by asking these questions I am well beyond my talents and literary ability.
Wouldn't it be great if Lewis Grizzard, Jr. was still alive and could expand on any of these issues with his original and creative magic! (Former Chattanooga Times columnist Bill Casteel could assist!)
(Their genius would likely have the medicinal effect of shrinking the anatomy of a certain area of politicians' posteriors)!
PS: Other minor issues that could be addressed include a school system solution for our children (2) air pollution from airplanes, vehicles stalled in traffic on I-24, -75, etc; total cost to repave 6.8 miles of Crest Road on Missionary Ridge taking into account a little inflation like Chickamauga Dam lock repairs and lead removal cost over runs, etc.
(2026 promises to be an interesting year on both the local and national level!)
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If you have additional information about one of Mr. Summers' articles or have suggestions or ideas about a future Chattanooga area historical piece, please contact him at jsummers@summersfirm.com)