Best Of Grizzard - Gas Prices

  • Tuesday, May 23, 2023
  • Jerry Summers

Although we haven’t got to gas rationing in the month of May, 2023, the possibility of such a situation still exists and there are signs that a flash back to the presidency of the peanut farmer from Plains, Georgia (1976-1980) is still a haunting memory for Americans of that era.

With gasoline prices soaring in the “Land of Fruits and Nuts” and in other states, citizens of the U.S.A. still show their independence by continuing to hit the road (and air) in large numbers in spite of the effect on many of the members of society that can least afford to absorb the fuel prices.

Please relax again. The subjects of inflation, higher wages and costs, etc. are all being argued daily in the media from actual and self-appointed experts in the economic fields in addition to the issue of a war in Ukraine.

We are not without the benefit of the advice expressed by the late genius and solver of all problems, Lewis Grizzard (L.G.). He wrote the following article dealing solely with the 1976-1980 era crisis entitled “Won’t You Come Home, Billy Bob Bailey?” (1980-Peachtree Publishers).

He was never one to waste words and he expressed a simple solution to the problems of high petrol prices and rationing of available gallons at the pump - “Stay home, America!”

In said publication he did give scholarly advice that he called “Grizzard’s Treasure Chest of Homespun Fun.” A few follow:

1.) PLAY WITH THE KIDS: He suggested that since they are probably in the developing years that “after playing with your kids for a while lock the little boogers in a closet and have a couple of belts!”;

2.) TAKE BATHS: “Rub-a-dub-dub, just relaxing in the tub. Invite your neighbors. If things go well you may never want to leave home again”;

3.) MEMORIZE THE PHONE BOOK: “Aaron” to “Zebrowski”, provides hours of good clean fun; and,

4.) MONOPOLY: “Four can participate, but Monopoly may have changed a bit since you played last. “Free Parking” is now a condominium complex and when you pass “Go” you have to PAY $200”.

L.G. listed several other ways that a family can entertain itself and save on gasoline during this small burp in the booming economy that Americans are enjoying.

Lewis cites an article in the WALL STREET JOURNAL which he made reference to that conveyed the message that “Americans are staying home in droves because of the gasoline shortage.”

His analysis in said article included a comment that “ours is the only country in the world where you pay $150,000(pre-1994 price) for a house and then leave it for two weeks every summer to go sleep in a tent.”

He repeats the recommendation by the national New York City publication on economic necessity grounds based on their suggestions of how to save expenses on the purchase of gas.

“Sitting by your swimming pool, watching cable television and videotape machines, and riding bicycles” were considered as alternatives to traveling to Disney World(pre-2022) but were dismissed as impractical by L.G.

(The 2020-2023 inflationary cycle would have provided a new source of comedy material by the Pride of Moreland, Georgia on very serious topics).

P.S. Since these Words of Wisdom were drafted gas prices have dropped. Our faithful allies in OPEC will provide stability in this economic barometer, at least until all the 100,000 sheiks in the sands of Saudi Arabia order their new 2024 Rolls Royce or Bentleys.

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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com

Jerry Grizzard
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