Best Of Grizzard - Fun And Games At Home

  • Tuesday, February 13, 2024
  • Jerry Summers

The following article does not involve any illicit or promiscuous content between non Baptist or Methodists during the 20 inch snow blizzard in January 2024 that forced the closing of all institutions of learning for a week, shortages of milk and bread, and a monetary bonanza for two truck towing operators pulling speeding victims out of black ice ditches. In “Won't You Come Home Billy Bob Bailey” (1980 at Peachtree Publishers) Louis Grizzard, described what homebound Americans could do to entertain themselves and others because of the gasoline shortage of the era. An article in one of the nation's leading financial publications was cited by LG as to how an individual could entertain themselves, even if they had no swimming pool, no cable TV, no video machine, and last rode a bicycle at the age of 12. (No political reference to the 45th president of the USA during the political season.)

“Right in the comfort of your own home, no matter how modest it might be, you can have loads of fun and tell the Arab oil peddlers to go eat some sand. What follows is Grizzard's Treasure Chest of Homespun Fun. Planning a trip to Disney World? Who needs it? Stay home, America, and:

1. PLAY WITH THE KIDS: You remember your kids. Skeeter is eleven. Barney is eight. After you have played with your kids for a while, lock the little boogers in a closet and have a couple of belts. But remember to let them out in time for tomorrow's roof climb and picnic.

2. EAT: Fun for the entire family. Instead of three meals a day, eat twelve. If you take an hour for each meal, and an hour in between, that's an entire day and it's time to eat again. Soon, the opportunity will arise for other fun home games. Like trying to find Mom's original chin. Hide-and-go-seek in Dad's trousers. And pin the tail on the "Whale," baby sister's new nickname.

3 TAKE BATHS: Rub-a-dub-dub, just relaxing in the tub. Invite your neighbors. If things go well, you may never want to leave home again.

4. CLEAN OUT YOUR ATTIC OR BASEMENT: Who knows what you might find there? Remember your Uncle Fred, who's been missing since 1958? Dust him off and you've got another entry for the houseplant-swallowing tournament.

5. STOMPING ANTS: There are always a lot of ants around the house. How many ants can you stomp?

6. COUNTING STOMPED ANTS: Tedious as heck, but a great way to relax after stomping a few hundred thousand ants.

7. SETTING THE GARAGE ON FIRE: Wow! See the bright red fire engines! Hear the shrill of their sirens! See the brave firemen battle the blaze! See the friendly insurance man deliver the check!

8. MEMORIZE THE PHONE BOOK: "Aaron" to "Zzbowski," hours of good, clean fun. Unless, of course, you live in Yellville, Arkansas, where it will take you approximately nine minutes.

9. MONOPOLY: Four can play, but Monopoly may have changed a bit since you played it last. "Free Parking" is now a condominium complex, and when you pass "GO" you have to PAY $200. Also, you can't take a ride on the Reading (railroads) anymore. With the gasoline shortage, trains are booked solid.”

(Can’t do in Choo Choo City now but you could travel to Summerville, GA and other destinations on one of Tennessee Valley Railroads, TVR, historic rail car and diner.)

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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com

Jerry Summers
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