Mark Wiedmer
Welcome to the most over-hyped, falsely important day in American sports: Super Bowl Sunday.
Yes, I’m something of a scrooge when it comes to the Super Bowl. Maybe it’s because it seemed like decades have flown by without my pregame pick winning. Maybe it’s because I’m still not over Falcons 28, Patriots 3 becoming another Falcons flop. Maybe it’s because I hate watching our national anthem butchered more times than not by some B-list singer feeling a need to put their personal touch on a song that shouldn’t be stylized beyond recognition.
Or a halftime show that needs an R-rating.
So while 115 million Americans are supposed to tune in this evening to watch the Philadelphia Eagles take on the Kansas City Chiefs, and I’ll plead guilty to being among them, in my personal pantheon of major sporting events, today ranks somewhat ahead of the World Cup and ESPN’s X Games, but quite possibly behind the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest each Fourth of July. Give me Joey Chestnut over KC quarterback Patrick Mahomes any time.
In truth, the biggest winners today will be avocado farmers (eight million pounds of guacamole are expected to be eaten this evening, and chicken producers such as Tyson., since over 100 million pounds of chicken wings are to be gobbled up today, many of those washed down with over 325 million gallons of beer.
Hauling that much beer around should keep those Budweiser Clydesdales busy. And will any commercial this year top some of those Clydesdale ads for Budweiser? Is any other sporting event judged by the quality of its commercials?
But who’s going to ultimately win inside New Orleans’ Super Bowl when the official kickoff is listed at 6:30 p.m. and televised by FOX? The Chiefs were 1.5-point favorites this morning to win their third straight SB, but the Eagles, coming off that 55-23 blowout of the Washington Commanders in the NFC title game, would seem to have momentum on their side.
So will it be Philly’s “Brotherly Shove,” which features a number of very large men pushing Eagles quarterback Jalen Hurts over the goal line? Or will it be the Magician Mahomes, delivering a historical three-peat at the age of 29?
Will Philly running back Saquon Barkley make a bigger splash than Mr. Taylor Swift, KC tight end Travis Kelce?
For that matter, given that FOX is televising the game and President Donald Trump is expected to be in attendance, who gets more air time - Swift and the Prez? My gut feeling says Swift, since TV ratings supposedly go up when she’s in the house and her Swifties all watch just to see a glimpse of her.
My guess is that the Eagles win because they just seem destined to do this and make up for the lose-from-ahead, 38-35 loss to the Chiefs in this same game two years ago.
I also think they’ll win because NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell assured the world last week that it was, in his mind, “A ridiculous theory for anyone who might take it seriously (that the refs have favored the Chiefs all season).
And who wouldn’t believe the Commish?
The real story today is how many otherwise loyal, honest American workers will take tomorrow off because they maybe allowed themselves to have too much fun today consuming wings and guac and pizza and beer hoping the billions of dollars they bet in office pools and online will fatten their bank accounts.
According to a recent survey conducted by HR software provider UKG.1, a record 22.6 million Americans plan to skip work Monday after staying up late to watch the big game. That’s actually up from the 18.8 million people who said they were skipping work after the Chiefs-Eagles Super Bowl two years ago.
And this has led some people to think the US should make it a national holiday in order to avoid the urge to lie to your employer about coming down with the flu, or you car has died, or your third cousin on your great aunt’s side has asked to see you before he leaves this earth.
This same study shows 43 percent of Americans now want a national holiday the day after the Super Bowl. Just don’t expect the superintendent of Philadelphia schools to OK such a move.
It seems that two years ago, Philadelphia school district Superintendent Tony Watlington announced he was delaying school for two hours on Monday before the game was played and the Eagles lost. Fearing a similar decision this time might jinx the Eagles, Watlington sent out this announcement on Thursday: In 2023, the district delayed school by two hours, and the Eagles lost; in 2018, schools opened at the normal time and the Eagles won.
Added Watlington: “I hope all of you enjoy the game with friends and family, and cheer on our Eagles safely. And I look forward to seeing you back at school and work on Monday.”
With Watlington’s common sense and wisdom as my guide, I pick Brotherly Shove 31, Swifties 27, and FOX’s cameras to make President Trump a 7-5 winner over Swift in sightings.