Since the 2025 tax season filing deadline has just passed, tax payers are experiencing a little (a lot ) of nervous tension over whether a God fearing, hard working American is going to get a lucrative refund or have to sell the family plantation in S-D to a “carpet bagger” developer from Nashville or Atlanta to pay the deficit.
Having used the services of two former Yugo car owners who now drive either a Lexus or Tesla (the battleship gray one) as a result of the author’s surplus balance investment in 1969 a decision was made to check out how the “Pride of Moreland, Georgia” had done in the volatile stock market (pre-President Donald Trump era).
In 1992 Lewis Grizzard (1947-1994) published his national bestseller “Shoot Low Boys- They’re Riding Shetland Ponies” (Ballantine Books) wherein he reported his track record of accepting the advice of his stock broker that earned him a promotion to the title of “bookie” prior to Lewis’s premature death at the age of forty seven.
The follow grouping is a list of recommended “buy” stocks with the infallible reasons for their purchase and the eventual result of their purchase:
1) Cat food products- Nine Lives and Puss N’ Boots – A rumor circulated that Morris (the cat had a severe case of indigestion. Nine lives cat food plummeted two and a half to just six and a half lives and the bottom fell out of Puss N’ Boots as well;
2) IBM- After the stock guru gave the go ahead to purchase the stock, it soared within a week and LG called his broker and told him to sell and take the large profit. It was at this point that the comedian was informed that he had purchased International Banjo Makers and not International Business Machines;
3) American Chinchilla- The explanation for the purchase was that the weather forecast was that it was going to be cold and there would be a heavy demand for chinchilla coats. Unfortunately the investors market discouraged that 75% of the male chinchillas it had bought for its large breeding farm in Oklahoma were gay!;
4) Asbestos Toys- (no explanation necessary!);
5) International Cranberry- a bligh killed most of the crop!;
6) Royal Lippizan Stallions Inc.- Several mares came down with herpes and the stallions all had nervous breakdowns;
7) Chrysler- the former member of the Big 3 American auto makers soared in value after Lewis panicked because of his broker’s recommendations that he sell two days before the upward explosion.
Now that Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, and the queen of night time rassling and a few other cash strapped billionaires have joined the “Donald Team” perhaps there will be less volatility in the stock market!
(PS: I still have my Yugo stock certificate and Confederate (oops!) currency!)
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Jerry Summers