Roy Exum
Please behold my garden on my customary walk on this, another first day of the month. Never can I remember it being as lush and as green for this time of the year. My weather experts say it is easy to explain --- in the first three months of 2019 we had exactly twice the rainfall that is normal. That’s why there seems to a profusion of orchids and onions and -- wow! -- look what a bunch I find.
AN ORCHID for Democrat Rep. Ocasio-Cortez who called down a heckler who was attacking her counterpart, former Rep. Bob Inglis. “That’s unacceptable,” she said, much to the delight of the American people regardless of their political stance. Good manners never go out of style.
AN ONION to the crazy way collegiate athletics is evolving. North Carolina, one of the premier basketball powers, could lose its top five scorers and that’s not right. Athletes are transferring seemingly at will and where is the educational value in that?
AN ORCHID to the strange tailwind that enabled several commercial airlines to go from Los Angeles to New York several weeks ago in less than four hours. One passenger airplane claimed a record speed of 801 mph.
AN ONION to the fact a number of states have banned these timeless icons but Texas has just enacted legislation for the state’s children to, yes, legally operate neighborhood lemonade stands once again. Colorado has given a green light too. Oh, and always remember this Rule of Life: Never fail to stop at a kid’s stand and pay double if they will drink their signature blend instead of you.
AN ORCHID to Clarence Shattuck after 36 years as one of our most glittering sessions court judges. What a phenomenal life of service. And it wasn’t lost on me that his law partner from years ago, Ron Durby, was at his retirement last week to share in the grip-and-grins.
AN ONION to the fact we must tolerate April Fool’s Day but, face it, what kind a joke is a frost warning on this day of merriment? Incidentally, Easter is set by the earth’s equinox but to celebrate the Resurrection later than normal – April 21 this month – seems a little odd, too.
AN ORCHID to the Bradley County Bearettes for just winning the school’s 40th championship and why it is I thought I heard the legendary Jim Smiddy giggle? The ever-delightful Jim won 1,217 games with his girls, you know, and gee, what a great 45-year run he shared with us.
AN ONION to the proposed law that raises the state’s legal age to smoke from 18 to 21. Are you kidding me? I never knew anyone to wait until it was legal. And what’s this? Are they going to put it on your Permanent Record? Do you know I have never met a kid who ever saw his Permanent Record?
AN ORCHID to basketball sparkplug Reece Turner, who just led his Cushing High School to a 26-4 season. I’m told the kid can drain a 3-point shot which is doubly-wonderful because, in a game of big men, Reece is four feet, four inches tall. That’s right, he was afflicted with Dwarfism at birth and he tells people, “I am more than a little person. Live up to your dream, and don’t let anybody count you out." His hashtag on Twitter is: #HeartOverHeight.
AN ONION to Boeing, the aeronautical giant who just had its 737 Max 8 fleet grounded as we learned safety equipment was “optional.” Yet we still take off our shoes in airports. And there is this: Boeing has 24 in-house lobbyists and 24 lobbying firms that have an annual budget of $15 million to sway our lawmakers.
AN ORCHID to the new best seller, “Cemetery Road” by Greg Iles. He’s the guy who wrote the best trilogy of my lifetime on the strife-torn Mississippi in the Civil Rights era. If you haven’t read his books, read in order: Natchez Burning, The Bone Tree and Mississippi Blood.
AN ONION to the rampant whitewash of the scurrilous TV star Jussie Smollett and the fact such a debauchery of justice almost succeeded in our nation. But is this worse than the parents of our best-and brightest and their college admissions scandal? I say throw all the bums in jail.
AN ORCHID to former British Royal Marine Lee Spencer, who just got his name in the world record books by rowing the 3,800-mile course from Portugal to French Guiana in 60 days. That’s 36 days faster than anybody else ever. And the fact he lost his left leg in Iraq to an exploding device didn’t have anything to do with it. “No one should be defined by a disability.”
AN ONION to Clayton Lewis of Pittsburgh, who was arrested for violently choking his Lyft driver when the driver wouldn’t stop singing Christmas Carols out of tune.
AN ORCHID to the combat veteran who said, “It is not as much as the hatred you have for the enemy in front of you as it is for the love you have before those behind you.”
AN ONION to the San Antonio City Council for voting to ban the restaurant chain Chick-fil-A from the San Antonio International Airport. Chick-fil-A’s sin? A history of religious activity that the city council found offensive. Not only is the city council being labeled as bigots, Texas legal minds say the decision is very much against the law.
AN ORCHID to the prankster at the Petco in Texas who decided to see if the offer was valid that all pets are welcome in the store. This guy brought his prized African Watusi steer – which weighs 1,600 pounds. And, sure enough, the massive beast was welcomed!
AN ONION to the finding that we have more instances of “fake news” than ever before because 1,400 newspapers have died across America in the last 15 year. And while you have your syllabus handy, how come 61 percent of the 10.7 million illegal immigrants live in just 20 cities. (Forth Worth, Texas, has 475,000.)
AN ORCHID to the state of Utah where the state legislature just last month made it no longer illegal to “fornicate,” defined as an act between two people who are not married to one another.
AN ONION to the fact over 150,000 Americans died due to alcohol and drugs in 2017 and … what’s worse … nearly a third, 47,173, were suicides.
AN ORCHID, and a pile of them at that, to the hundreds of you who sent me best wishes for a healthy recovery in recent weeks. It is one thing to be told you are appreciated but all together different to feel it. My overwhelming thanks.
royexum@aol.com