Best Of Grizzard - 10 Stages Of Intoxication Plus 1

  • Tuesday, November 29, 2022
  • Jerry Summers

The Gig City has come a long way since the January 1, 1973, date of when the first liquor-by-the drink was legalized at the now non-existent P.J. 's Supper Club on Brainerd Road.

Prior to that date the Episcopalians/Catholics and the back sliding Baptists and Methodists, etc. had to either drink alcoholic beverages from what remained of the illegal moonshine business (pot growing manure was cheaper than the price of sugar), brown bagging at a non-family restaurant, or having a membership in one of the elite clubs downtown or on one of the prominent mountains overlooking beautiful but pollution filled Scenic City.

The issue of whether the benefits of additional tax revenue to build more private or commercial buildings so that local politicians would not have to vote a job killing property tax increase versus the evils of consumption of “Demon Rum” are not as much debated in the council meetings, pulpits, and media as in the past.

Lewis Grizzard (L.G.) in his 1986 Villard Books tribute to his father “My Daddy Was a Pistol and I’m a Son of a Gun!” lists THE TEN STAGES OF INTOXICATION by an anonymous author and adds his personal interpretation based on his experience with the “fruit of the grape” and other beverages produced from grain, potatoes and other natural resources and how it applies to a prospective female acquaintance conversation.

1.) WITTY AND CHARMING: (This is after one or two drinks where the tongue is loosened and can still remain in step with the brain);

2.) RICH AND POWERFUL: (By the third drink you begin mentioning the little 380SL convertible you’ve had your eye on down at the Mercedes place);

3.) BENEVOLENT: (You’ll buy her a Mercedes too.

It’s only money);

4.) JUST ONE MORE AND THEN WE’LL EAT:(Stall tactics);

5.) TO HELL WITH DINNER:(Just one more and then we’ll eat);

6.) PATRIOTIC:(The war stories begin);

7.) CRANK UP THE ENOLA GAY: (“We could have won in Nam, but…”);

8.) INVISIBLE: (So this is what a ladies room looks like);

9.) WITTY AND CHARMING PART II:(You know, you don’t sweat much for a fat girl); and

10.) BULLETPROOF: (Bull s***, gimme them keys I can drive).

Lewis Grizzard adds another stage of being drunk arising out of his own habits and personality.


(The last stage may be the most appropriate at certain times of the year, especially on Fathers Day, if you need a reason or excuse to get intoxicated.)

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You can reach Jerry Summers at
Jerry Summers
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