Bob Tamasy
Years ago, I got sideways with someone close to me after the funeral of a beloved family member. Without going into details, this person had said and done some things leading up to the funeral which I and others in our family felt had been inappropriate. Still in that stage of life in which I was prone to give people a piece of my mind I could hardly afford to lose, I told the offending individual exactly how I felt.
This effectively ended my relationship with that person for a number of years.
And frankly, it didn’t bother me much during that time. I was in the right, I reasoned, and the other person had been in the wrong. Deal with it!
In my defense, this was before I came to know Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord, so the notion of applying biblical principles to this rift never occurred to me. Would I act differently were the same situation to arise today, regardless of who was right and who was wrong? I would like to think so, especially in light of what I understand from the Scriptures.
One passage that immediately comes to mind pertaining to such situations is James 1:19-20, which says, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires.”
As I recall, I hadn’t stopped to ask why the person had acted in such a bothersome way. I just blurted out what I was thinking, and my anger was evident. Contrary to the counsel from the book of James, I had been slow to listen, quick to speak and quick to become angry. Not the ideal strategy for winning friends and influencing people.
Looking back, I regret the embittered feelings that my post-funeral behavior precipitated. A perfectly good, caring relationship was severed, taking a long time to be restored. If I had made the effort, the healing probably could have started much sooner.
Why be so concerned about relationships? Because at its heart, practically everything we read in the Bible is about relationships, starting with God’s supreme creation, humankind. Much of the narrative in the Scriptures is about how we seem so intent on disrupting our relationship with the Lord, and His equally great determination to reconcile us to Himself.
He longs for the love and worship of His children, and desires for many others to become part of His eternal family. As Hebrews 12:14-15 admonishes, “Pursue peace with everyone, as well as holiness, without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
But wait a minute! Aren’t strained relationships a natural part of everyday living, the inevitable result of conflict and friction between people who see and believe things differently? Perhaps. But in His teachings, Jesus Christ didn’t mince words about how the roots of bitterness never bear good fruit.
In His best-known sermon, Jesus spent a lot of time discussing relational matters such as anger, adultery, divorce, making promises, seeking revenge, and our dealings with adversaries and enemies. He equated anger and broken relationships with…murder:
“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment…. Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:21-24).
On many occasions, Jesus said one strong indicator of our commitment to Him is our love for one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. For instance, talking to His closest disciples, Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).
Sadly, entering a church sanctuary on a Sunday morning or other appointed times doesn’t necessarily dispel anger and bitterness toward others. We’d probably amazed if the grudges folks carry toward others were visible. Harboring bitter feelings toward others not only breaks relationships, but also reflects poorly upon the Lord we profess to love and serve.
Imagine what could happen if, prior to putting that check in the offering plate or standing to join in a song of praise or opening our Bibles to follow the sermon, we took steps to resolve differences with that person holding something against us?
“Hey, but he/she was the one that started it!” Maybe so, but these passages don’t include exceptions that let us off the hook if we didn’t initiate the dispute. Instead, we’re told, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). We can’t root out bitterness from someone else’s heart, but we don’t have to keep watering it in our own hearts.
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Robert J. Tamasy is a veteran journalist, former newspaper editor and magazine editor. Bob has written, co-authored and edited more than 15 books. These include the newly published, ”Marketplace Ambassadors”; “Business At Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today’s Workplace”; “Tufting Legacies,” “The Heart of Mentoring,” and “Pursuing Life With a Shepherd’s Heart.” A weekly business meditation he edits, “Monday Manna,” is translated into more than 20 languages and sent via email around the world by CBMC International. The address for his blog is www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com. His email address is btamasy@comcast.net.