With the passage of St. Valentine’s Day readers may now turn their attention to the upcoming nuptials in the wedding month of June.
Lewis Grizzard in his 1989 paperback wrote a two-sided publication titled “Advice to the Newlywed (and Newly Divorced).
He was an expert on marriage as he had been married four times prior to his death on March 20, 1994, at the premature age of 47.
Lewis’ last venture into matrimony was only four days prior to his death because of complications from his fourth aortic valve replacement from a birth defect. He died after this operation because of complications from infections. The first two were pig valves and the third was a mechanical device named for a famous hospital in Memphis.
Of course, he would have to memorialize his experiences in one of his 25 books, “I Took a Licking and Kept on Ticking.”
His opening lines in the topic of “Our money buys food and gas. Her money buys darling blouses,” sets the stage for a humor filled trip down matrimonial lane, which would be funny to many but sad to others. Between his historical writing genius and my clumsy comments, I hope we can provide some laughs to the readers in the crazy environment of today’s world.
Lewis Grizzard has already historically shared his God given talent to make the public laugh.
The passage of 28 years since his death may make his comments more controversial in today’s conscience sensitive society but no less funny.
I will only attempt to recreate a few of his original works in the short articles I intend to produce.
If you need a good laugh, copies may still be available from used bookstores and the internet.
Although he was a three-time loser Grizzard was a strong believer in the institution of marriage and was writing to share his good and bad experiences.
In response to one of his fictional friends, Billy Bob Bailey suggestions that “Dern son why don’t you just rent that half of your bed ‘stead of putting a long-term lease on it? You get married like most people eat popcorn,” he allegedly replied.
“I know a lot about marriage. A whole lot and like any good veteran I feel an obligation to share my experience with all of you rookies.”
What follows is his sage advice on numerous episodes in the holy state of marital bliss and happiness.
In 46 pages of often gut busting experiences accompanied by equally funny illustrations and cartoons by Mike Lester, Lewis Grizzard shares the highlights (and lowlights) of his three marriages.
Among the topics he covers on marriage include the following:
1.Redecorating your apartment after your new wife moves in after the wedding and the difference between “Quaint” and “Tacky;”
2.“Pouting” by an injured spouse;
3.How to deal with crying by a mistreated spouse;
4.Use of the “Bathroom, Temperature in the apartment, Cooking of exotic meals by a spouse, Joint Shopping, My money versus Our Money and Public Restrooms;
5.Attraction of Lewis to single women after marriage and the consequences;
6.Differences between Love and Lust with spouse;
7.Ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends discussion between newlyweds;
8.Preservation of the “little black book” of former dating acquaintances;
9.Buying Life Insurance and burial plots to show your eternal love for spouse;
10.Spouse with children by a previous marriage; - and finally tips by Lewis “to ensure a successful marriage.”
If you don’t get a lot of laughs out of his comments maybe the next article “Advice to the New Divorced” will be more to your liking.
Stay tuned! (Comments good and bad are welcome.)
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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com)
Jerry Summers