Best of Grizzard - Never Too Late (No. 2)

  • Friday, March 31, 2023
  • Jerry Summers

Due to overwhelming responses to article No.1 on the above topic (1 email), I have dispensed with waiting to pass on Lewis Grizzard’s additional comments on late life experience of old folks in sensual situations expressed in a chapter in “It Wasn’t Always Easy, But I Sure Had Fun”(Villard Books- 1994), his last personal publication prior to his death:

1.) “I know another man who’s well into his eighties. He’s a widower, too. He’s slim, tan, and he still has a full head of white hair.

He’s a regular in the singles’ bars, despite his age. He still even makes a move now and then. Once I asked him, (Remember retiree Leon at the B.R. and other hangouts for the youngsters and the female attention he received from the pretty ladies?)“How can you stay this interested at your age?”

“For one thing,” he answered, “I’ve never eaten any vegetables.”

2.) “My Grandmother described the night my grandfather died. He was seventy-three.

“We had just gone to bed and all of a sudden, he turned over on top of me and started kissing me. He hadn’t kissed me that way in years. Then I felt his arms, which were around me, loosen. He died that way, in our embrace.”

3.) Earl and Phil were up into their eighties. As lifelong friends they made a pact that whoever died first would come back and tell the other what heaven was like.

Earl died and then came back to Phil as he slept one night.

“Phil,” he said, “this is Earl.”

“Earl! You’re back! Tell me what it’s like!”

“Well,” said Earl, "I get up in the morning and eat and then I have sex until noon.”

“Then I eat lunch and take a nap and have sex for the rest of the afternoon. After that, I eat supper and have some more sex and then I go to sleep.”

“So that’s what heaven’s like,” said Phil.

“I’m not in heaven,” said Earl. “I’m a jack rabbit in West Texas.”

L.G. - The older I get, the more I appreciate such stories.”

(No one could tell better stories than L.G. that would entertain, make you laugh, be insulted or cry on any topic!)

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Jerry Summers
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