Best of Grizzard- Drunks Warning

  • Tuesday, February 4, 2025
  • Jerry Summers

The recent warning by the Surgeon General of the United States that any bottle of “John Barley corn” (liquor) or high priced premier wines such as “Ripple”, “Boone’s Farm”, or “Mad Dog 80” (Yiddish made) must contain a Warning about the prospect of being cancer causing is shocking.

Non-teetotalers, Southern Baptists and hardcore indulgers in the Catholic and Episcopal sects have relied on the solid and scientific research that “1 drink for ladies and 2 for gents” on a daily rate of consumption is socially acceptable.

Of course the booze and wino industries will vigorously refute said frivolous accusation through their family friendly advertising campaigns and their high paid lobbyists in Washington, state legislatures, and the courts to protect the public health and constitutional rights to get inebriated as long as no one gets on their bikes and drives on Frazier Avenue or the Southside.

Although he left us in 1994 the president of the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) chapter of Moreland, GA gave sage advice in one of his twenty five published best sellers in his version of drinking humor in the Deep South that included the University of Georgia in Athens during his tenure as a bulldog.

In “Shoot Low Boys- They’re Riding Shetland Ponies” (1985- Ballantine Books) Lewis Grizzard (LG) (1947-1994) addressed the issue of whether the former medical advice of two drinks (size of drink could be important, particularly if you are a member of the prestigious business club on the second floor of the former paint store on 8th Street in Gig City:

Been hitting the bottle a little too hard? One more drink won't hurt you if:

1. It's a special occasion, like Happy Hour.

2. Something from your past has been eating at you lately, like the death of your dog Skippy when you were four.

3. You drink to a worthy cause, like finding a cure for Leon Spinks. (boxing champ)

4. You use lots of ice.

5. The bottle was a gift.

6. It was almost empty anyway.

7. You make it last longer than the National Hockey League season which is the only thing that lasts longer than pregnancy.

8. You drink it out of a coffee cup.

(The $596,000 total political donations reported in the final state legislature campaign reports of the recently completed cycle by the manufacturers and distributors in the Volunteer State of the “bottled in bond” and “fruit of the grape” products suggest that the Surgeon Generals suggestions of a the complete “ban on booze” may have a battle on their hands?)

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If you have additional information about one of Mr. Summers' articles or have suggestions or ideas about a future Chattanooga area historical piece, please contact him at jsummers@summersfirm.com)

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