Roy Exum: Boots, Idiots & Guns

  • Sunday, February 1, 2015
  • Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

As the month of February was born this morning, allow me to hurriedly share three leftovers that were still in last month’s basket:

* * *

A first-grade teacher had endured a long day and was helping her students bundle up for the trip home when one of the little boys asked for help getting on his boots. Soon she could see why.

Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.  She almost cried however when the little boy said: "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked, and sure enough, they were. Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling the boots off, than it was putting them on.  She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet. He then announced: "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream: "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.  No sooner had they got the boots off when he said: "They're my brother's boots. But my Mom made me wear 'em today."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.  But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots back onto his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked: "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said: "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

She'll be eligible for parole in three years.

* * *

A DISCOURSE ABOUT IDIOTS

Food For Thought By Junius P. Long

If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally … Then you might live in a country run by idiots.

If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion ... Then you might live in a country run by idiots.

If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book, but you don't have to show ID for the right to vote on who runs the government ... Then you might live in a country run by idiots.

If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt ... Then you might live in a country run by idiots.

If, in the largest city of the country, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not a 24-ounce soda because the government says a 24-ounce sugary drink might make you fat ...Then you might live in a country run by idiots.

If an 80-year-old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a woman in a hi-jab is only subject to having her neck and head searched because of her religion ... Then you might live in a country run by idiots.

If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more ... Then you might live in a country run by idiots.

If a seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher’s "cute," but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable ... Then you might live in a country run by idiots.

If hard work and success is rewarded with higher taxes and more government intrusion, while not working is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing, and free cell phones ... Then you might live in a country run by idiots.

If the government's plan for getting people back to work is to reward them with 99 weeks of unemployment checks with no requirement to prove they applied for it ... Then you might live in a country run by idiots.

If being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you more "safe" according to the government ... Then you might live in a country run by idiots.

If you are offended by (these views,) then I'll bet you voted for the idiots who are ruining our great country!

* * *

WHY GRANDPA CARRIES A GUN

(Author unknown)

My old Grandpa said to me, 'Son, there comes a time in every man's life when he stops bustin' knuckles and starts bustin' caps and usually it's when he becomes too old to take a WHIPPING.

I don't carry a gun to kill people; I carry a gun to keep from being killed.

I don't carry a gun to scare people; I carry a gun because sometimes this world can be a scary place.

I don't carry a gun because I'm paranoid; I carry a gun because there are real threats in the world.

I don't carry a gun because I'm evil; I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the world.

I don't carry a gun because I hate the government; I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.

I don't carry a gun because I'm angry; I carry a gun so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be prepared.

I don't carry a gun because I want to shoot someone; I carry a gun because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed and not on a sidewalk somewhere tomorrow afternoon.

I don’t carry a gun because I'm a cowboy; I carry a gun because, when I die and go to heaven, I want to be a cowboy.

I don't carry a gun to make me feel like a man; I carry a gun because men know how to take care of themselves and the ones they love.

I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate; I carry a gun because unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.

I don't carry a gun because I love it; I carry a gun because I love life and the people who make it meaningful to me.

Police protection is an oxymoron: Free citizens must protect themselves because police do not protect you from crime; they just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up the mess.

Personally, I carry a gun because I'm too young to die and too old to take a whipping.

A LITTLE GUN HISTORY

Please don’t think for a minute that this couldn’t happen in our country:

* -- In 1929 the Soviet Union established gun control: From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

* -- In 1911 Turkey established gun control: From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

* -- In 1938 Germany established gun control: From 1939 to 1945, a total of 13 million Jews and others who wereunable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated.

* -- In 1935 China established gun control: From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

* -- In 1964 Guatemala established gun control: From 1964to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

* -- In 1970 Uganda established gun control: From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves,were rounded up and exterminated.

* -- In 1956 Cambodia established gun control: From 1975 to 1977, one million educated people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

All told, 56 million people were rounded up and executed in the 20th century because of gun control.

FACTS ABOUT GUNS

* -- Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect only the law-abiding citizens.

* -- With guns we are 'citizens'; without them, we are 'subjects'.

* -- During WW II, the Japanese decided not to invade America because they knew most Americans were armed.

* -- Gun owners in the United States are the largest armed force in the world.

* -- The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense.

* -- If you forge your sword into a plowshare, you’ll soon plow for those who still have their swords.

* -- The sword is more important than the shield and skillis more important than either.

* -- In Switzerland a gun is issued to every household and the government trains every adult in the use of a rifle. Switzerland has the lowest gun-related crime rate in the world.

royexum@aol.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



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