Roy Exum
As we thank the Lord that when we woke up this morning we didn’t have to stare at the predicted five inches of snow that Nashville had been promised last night. Instead, as we pray for those in Texas who are now without water in addition to heat, let’s focus on what we can do, including five wonderful riddles a reader sent into the Saturday Funnies.
This Week’s Riddles:
Riddle No. 1 -- A man was driving his truck.
His lights were not on. The moon was not out. Up ahead, a woman was crossing the road. How did he see her?
Riddle No. 2 -- A man drove to the grocery store, parked, locked all the doors, and rolled up all the windows. He came out a few minutes later and found a collie in the back seat. How did the dog get in?
Riddle No. 3 -- A man leaves home and turns left three times, only to return home facing two men wearing masks. Who are those two men?
Riddle No. 4 -- Tom and his younger sister were fighting. Their mother was tired of the fighting and decided to punish them by making them stand on the same piece of newspaper in such a way that they couldn't touch each other. How did she accomplish this?
Riddle No. 5 -- A bus driver was heading down a street in Chattanooga. He went past a stop sign without stopping, he turned left where there was a "no left turn" sign, and he went the wrong way on a one-way street. Then he went on the left side of the road past a police car. Still - he didn't break any traffic laws. Why not?
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As you mull over your answers, please remember The Saturday Funnies are neither written nor are created by writers at the Chattanoogan.com website. The jokes and mischief they create is shared through emails, with the help of the Internet and telephone texts:
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Here are this week’s answers to our riddles:
Riddle No.1 – It was a bright and sunny day.
Riddle No. 2 – He drove a convertible.
Riddle No. 3 – A catcher and a baseball umpire.
Riddle No. 4 – She took a newspaper page, slid it underneath a door, and required each combatant to stand on the page with the door shut, separating the two.
Riddle No. 5 –He was walking.
And now come This Saturday’s Funnies!
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SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO SHUT UP!
A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope, and nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention-- so he's let go.
The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice - he is set free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem...."
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ALRIGHT… MEATHEAD, I’LL TAKE YOU ON
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow to that building over there,” he pointed to a structure about 150 feet away, “that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the haughty young guy replied.
The old man reached out and grabbed a wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "All right. Get in."
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A CLASSIC CASE OF POETIC JUSTICE
Ed Farston returned home from work one day and noticed that his wife Betty's mini van was not in the driveway and she wasn't home. He went to the bedroom to change clothes and saw that the closet door and dresser drawers were open and Betty's clothes were missing.
On the bed he saw two envelopes - the first was addressed to Betty from her mother who lived in another state. It said she had been having health issues and had gone to a specialist to have some tests run, she received the results and it was not good. She has a serious problem and only had a few months to live.
She also said that she had a will and since Betty was her only child, and she and Ed were her only family, everything would be left to them.
Ed opened the second envelope, it was from Betty. It said “You probably read mom's letter and see that she is dying. Soon I will inherit her estate which includes her huge house, 23 acres, her new Cadillac, bank accounts and everything else. I want you to file for divorce immediately. I don't want anything – you can have the house, car, boat, and bank account.
I've taken everything I want. You are a jerk, I don't know why I ever married you or why my mother like you so much. And one other thing, I'm taking back my maiden name. Soon I'm going to be a very rich woman. Goodbye.”
Ed did as Betty asked, and the next day he hired a lawyer and filed for divorce.
The paperwork was sent to her mom's lawyer. Betty signed the forms and they were returned to Ed's lawyer. In just a few days the divorce was final. The letter from Betty was a part of the divorce record.
About two months later Betty's mom died. Two days after the funeral the lawyer showed up at Betty's door with three other people. He introduced a man who worked at the Cadillac dealership. The car was leased and the man was there to pick up the car. The lawyer next introduced a Realtor. His company had purchased the house, all furnishings, and the land from Betty's mom a few months ago. Betty's mom was allowed to live there until she died. Betty was given 48 hours to leave.
Betty, realizing she didn't own the house, property or car, said “well at least I inherited her money”. The lawyer ask if she had read the will. Betty said she looked through it but didn't remember the details. The lawyer pointed out the will said that the balance of estate was to go to Mr. & Mrs. Ed Farston.
He then introduced another person, she was Ed's lawyer. She pointed out that Betty and Ed were divorced, Betty had taken back her maiden name, and she was no longer Mrs. Ed Farston. Betty pointed out that the will said Mr. & Mrs. Ed Farston, so her former husband couldn't inherit either. But then the lawyer showed Betty a marriage certificate. Two weeks after the divorce was final, Ed had remarried, so the proceeds would be paid as directed to Mr. and Mrs. Ed Farson.
“You mean I get nothing!” cried Betty. “Oh no,” said the lawyer. “If you had read the will you would have seen that your mom left you her dog – Maggie, and $3,000 a month as long as you owned the dog and cared for her.”
Uh oh … sadly it seems Betty had taken Maggie to the animal shelter a week ago and Maggie had been adopted by an unknown person.
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THIS WEEK's BEST VIDEO
Never make you mind up too quickly, as these priceless ads from Ameriquest will confirm. CLICK HERE.
* Bertha Benz and the journey that changed everything.CLICK HERE.
* -- In the movie “Shawshank Redemption,” the roof scene is unforgettable.CLICK HERE.
royexum@aol.com