One of my favorite people told me he just enrolled in a yoga class. This guy is 70-plus in years and he’s gonna’ put his no-no-Speedo body into the sleek world of spandex and lycra. So, I asked Hercules what happened to cause him to walk out the first day. “We did some deep knee bends and “it sounded like a goat eating a tin can filled with fresh stalks of celery.” Works for me! Here we go with this week’s most pressing questions …
This Week’s Riddles:
No. 1 – How’s this: When do you go in through one hole and then come out through two holes at the same time?
2 -- What’s got many, many keys – but is unable to open any door?
No. 3 -- What is dirty after washing?
No. 4 -- What hard rock group has four superstars but not a one plays a guitar?
No. 5 -- I have 4 legs but never run. What am I?
No. 6 -- How many sides are there to a circle?
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As our Saturday Funnies regulars know, we do not write the riddles, nor the jokes seen here every Saturday. No, they are included among the funny emails people share with us. So, if you happen across a funny, allow us to share in the laughter. Kindly remember younger fans are among our readers so please be mindful to make the laughter suitable for any age.
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This Week’s Answers:
1) When you put on a pair of pants.
2) Your bathwater.
3) Your computer keyboards.
4) Mount Rushmore
5) A dining room chair.
6) Two: the inside and the outside.
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THE YOUNG HOUSEWIFE WAS PANICKING …
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"
"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day.
“The baby won't eat, and the washing machine broke down.
“I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around.
On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."
The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you.
“I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman to fix the washing machine. Now stop crying. I'll do everything ...
“In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out."
"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"
"Why, George! Your husband! …Is this 555-1374?
"No, this is 555-1375."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."
There was a short pause and the housewife said, “Does this mean you're not coming over?"
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DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT A ‘TEAM’ MEANS?
During a game, the coach called one of his seven-year-old football players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
“Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?”
The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a bad name.”
Do you understand all that?” Again, the little boy nodded.
He continued, “And when I call you off the field so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dummy’, is it?”
Again, the little boy nodded.
“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”
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THE SCHOOL LESSON ON SAINTHOOD
A Catholic school teacher told her class that they needed to listen carefully and take notes on the day's lesson. It was about Sainthood.
The teacher talked about several Saints recognized by the church and why they achieved Sainthood.
The class assignment was that each student was to choose a Saint and write one page about him or her. Then on Monday they were to turn in their papers and tell the class why they chose that Saint.
When it was his turn, Johnny handed in his paper and told the class that he had written about St Joseph. Holding up a small bottle Johnny said St Joseph “is a pain reliever and is good for your heart.”
(Are you old enough to remembers St. Joseph’s Aspirin!)
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THIS WEEK’S VIDEOS
* -- Let’s pretend you are a Texas Ranger, and you apprehend a Ford pickup truck carrying suspected illegal aliens. The question is how many suspects did the law enforcement officer see fleeing the truck? This is dash cam footage. CLICK HERE.
* -- Over 10 million people have watched the great comedian Buddy Hackett tell his Duck Story on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Note Buddy’s theatrics make the story all the more wonderful CLICK HERE.
* -- Barry Manilow did a duet album with the much-beloved Dionne Warwick over 40 years ago and is still one my all-time favorite songs. CLICK HERE.
* -- Speaking of Manilow, in the year 2000 he was touring in Syracuse, N.Y., and as he often did, he would invite a member of the audience to help him sing. “Can’t Smile Without You.” The competition between women was intense and the reactions are still priceless. CLICK HERE.
* -- Alabama football coach Nick Saban tells a story about his wife’s ex-boyfriend that has just gone viral. CLICK HERE.
* -- In 1949 a vaudeville legend, Groucho Marx, made his television debut with “You Bet Your Life” and it proves humor is ageless. Here is the funny Ramino G. Gonzalez on "You Bet Your Life" CLICK HERE.