In at least two of his national best sellers humorist Lewis Grizzard (L.G.) expresses his frustration over the operations of vending machines in our society.
In a 1987 publication he complains that over the 30 or so years he had been feeding money into the callous contraptions that actually had worked only about 50 percent of the time.
He did express a little appreciation for the fact that he would get his money back if the device delivered the wrong product for which he had inserted his coins.
Lewis’ main irritation would occur not only when the machine failed to deliver his soft drink, candy bar or bag of peanuts that he intended to purchase but also when the ornery machine refused to return his money.
His frustration over such injustice placed him in a mad state where “my eyes bulged out, my hands began to shake, and I wanted to kill the machine.”
Adding to his aroused mental state was that there was often no one around to hear him vent his anger or outrage upon when “he screamed at a stupid machine that had just ripped him off.”
An additional area that raised his blood pressure level would be when the operator of the premises where the unreliable mechanical thief was located denied any financial responsibility for the illegal confiscation of funds even if it was in a hotel or restaurant.
The assistant manager or clerk on duty would reply after hearing L.G.
complain in a loud voice about the loss of his hard-earned currency, “Your blankity-blank machine has robbed me of my money.” This exclamation would usually fall on the proverbial deaf ears of the employee of the premises who stated, “We just lease the space to the vending company.”
After voicing his frustration and realizing that he would not get his money back the famous former resident of Moreland, Georgia proposed a course of action to get revenge against the next vending machine that took his money:
(1)Kicking the machine to the point of repeatedly causing large dents in it, putting the device in a terrible stay of repair and completing his temper tantrum by cursing and using ugly names;
(2)In a fit of violence, he would promptly go to his vehicle, get a lug wrench, and proceed to inflict additional punishment on the offender until glass flew, the content inside the machine made awful crunching sounds, and nuts, bold and screws rolled around on the floor and finally;
(3)L.G. would commit the act of arson and set “the thing” on fire. In triumph he then took his clothes off and danced naked around the smoldering victim of his wrath and threw his hands wildly in the air while emitting primal screams.
(Whether he would be admitted to a padded cell after putting this article to pen and ink is beyond the scope of this publication).
Stay tuned for a second article released in 1983 describing the frustration of teenage males and the scams of vending machines being perpetrated upon them prior to a moonlight romantic rendezvous with their maiden of choice.
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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com)
Jerry Summers