Jerry Summers: Best Place To Doggie Dump?

  • Thursday, September 29, 2022
  • Jerry Summers
Jerry Summers
Jerry Summers

I’m not referring to human disposition of waste although there are ample opportunities for the same in the area around East 10th-12th and Peeples Streets.

 

Where do the affluent, apartment and condo occupants of the higher priced properties allow their little (or big) darlings to squat to do their business in the Gig City?

 

I’m also not referring to the conscientious pet owners who dutifully carry their “doggie bags and poop scoopers” and deposit the fragrant residue in any of the garbage disposal bins graciously provided by the government and taxpayers of the Inner City.

 

(The issue of liquid deposits on the surviving green space is beyond the scope of this article and may be discussed at a later date.)

 

Here’s my top 6 local sites (in ascending order) to fill the bill under the title to this article:

 

6.) The Carter Beer Distributing block north of Broad and Main Street.  Provides a lush green and dirt area to cover up and bury any canine contributions.

5.) Miller Park - Since the pond has been drained the youngsters and their owners have to be more discreet than barking gently and leaving their outward discharge under water.

Due to the presence of Chattanooga's “Finest” it is respectfully urged that discretion be displayed at Friday Night Fall concerts.

4.) Chestnut and 6th streets - The spacious green space next to the parking lot deck on the east side of the property provides ample depository space that is also lush and provides a free roaming area that allows multiple areas of deposit. To the credit of some pet owners the pickup scoop has been observed being used.

3.) The soon to be razed Hawk Hill baseball stadium location presents an opportunity that occupiers of our historic minor league franchise will provide a temporary area of relief during the construction of the designated space by developers with the covering up of the “eyesore” on the Westside if approved by the sometimes not always diligent Environmental Protection Agency (EPA).

2.) Second place has to go to the idle and decaying home built by the “Barnum of the Bush Leagues” (Joe Engel) off of East 3rd Street and may also include the sand volleyball pits of UTC adjacent thereto; and

1.) The number one site and certainly the most historical and prestigious venue is located at the southwest corner of 8th and Chestnut streets with an esteemed dog loving membership that has existed since 1889. The street level grass plot has been chosen as a popular dumping ground by downtown tenants/condo inhabitants below the high level of beautiful plants and blooms that have been protected by the height of the wall adjacent to the flower bed.  It is capably cared for by the present president of the club’s spouse and employees. If pony sized hounds are allowed to use the premises a new issue arises.  (MCC)

 

Chattanooga must move forward, and it is favorably anticipated that the proponents of the giant move into the future will not forget our faithful furry friends and provide “doggie disposal” areas in designated and convenient locations throughout Chattanooga!

 

A second confidential and reliable informant has confirmed that a user of the parking lot facility was inadvertently distracted by their cellphone while traversing the area of the award-winning No. 1 location of canine leftovers.  As a result, they negligently stepped in the “Puppy product” and proceeded to distribute it in the hallways, carpet and inner offices of a nearby office building prominently recognized by the National Register of Historic Places.

 

Continued efforts to beautify the Scenic City by our local inner-city government are appreciated. The additional cooperation of some pet owners to increase the percent of “poop scoopers” could garner another recognition for the Dynamo of Dixie as the Best “Mid-Sized City for Shoveling _ _ _ _” (You fill in the blank).

 

As an alternative positive step, a grant request to the endless supply of federal funds for 10,000 tiny shovels that could also be used in the next city of Chattanooga election, may be appropriate. It might even win another National award for the community “Best Mid-Sized P_ _ _   Scooping City in America.”

 

The traditional photo opts of important public officials and investors “breaking ground clad in their hard hats (or Nooga Lookout caps) could show the public that anything being covered up” on any Billion dollar project was being done in a process open to the public.

 

(As a former member of the Humane Society Board of Directors under the leadership of Dr. Walter L. “Oogie” Martin, Jr. and Reuben Strickland, this is not an attack on the presence of “Man’s Best Friend” on the litter free streets of “Choo Choo City.” 

Just pick up the c _ _ _!)


* * *

You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com)
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