Jerry Summers
Another confidential, reliable source passed on a recent severe potential problem that should be addressed immediately by local authorities with an application for another state or federal “free money” grant.
On a recent Saturday afternoon in June 2023, our informant was approached by two young maidens travelling on the soon to be “Re-imaged Broad Street” in Choo Choo City with strained looks of distress on their faces.
It appeared to the local Good Samaritan that they were desperately looking for the rare venue that did not prohibit them from using the facilities without making a culinary purchase. (Do I need to explain further?)
The two obvious non-residents were wearing t-shirts that said “My Grandparents Laid in the Mud at Woodstock” and “I Climbed a Pole at Haight-Ashbury” As they approached one of the few surviving original office buildings in Choo Choo City their looks of frustration begin to accelerate into pure panic.
A rare survivor of the now frowned upon Southern Gentleman tradition sensing their dilemma and ignoring the potential for being called a dirty old man inquired if he could direct them to a safe haven for relief.
His polite inquiry was answered by one of the ladies (obviously he’s old fashioned) in a very nice but non-Southern voice, “Pops we’ve got to go!”
Ignoring the potential for criminal prosecution on the warning sign at the entrance to the stately office building that there were “No Public Restrooms” the local senior citizen gallantly assisted them in traversing the corridors to the separate binary areas of relief on the historical premises.
Thus was born the idea of additional benefits to our developing tourist base to distinguish Choo Choo City from the high ranked national communities such as San Francisco, New York City, and Memphis.
A tactfully decorated port-o-let on each street corner provided by local, state, and federal grants could set another high standard that our community leaders have sat (or stood up) to lead the nation as No. 1 (or 2).
Local conscientious public entities such as the 2400-2500 non-profits (plus Erlanger) and/or 256 foundations can always be counted on to lend their support.
(Port-o-lets advertising slogans on the structures may also have great potential for lawyer and real estate solicitors but we will save those for another article.)
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You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com