A while back I urged aging boomers to not allow fear to limit what they do. When fear rules our lives, our world becomes narrower and narrower. I said we should not stop doing things just because they make us uncomfortable.
I think I need to revise my comments slightly. Maybe discomfort is a warning signal. Maybe fear is a good reason to stop doing something—driving in the city, for example. Or driving at night.
You know what they say about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes? And my father used to say, “My sore toe is worse than your sore toe.” In other words, we view our situation in a different light than we see other people’s situations.
I had not realized how badly my night vision had deteriorated until a recent excursion to Dunlap.
I could see when we left home, but on the return trip when it had gotten dark, I had to pull off and let my husband drive.
I am still able to drive at night if I’m in a familiar place where there’s not much traffic and if I drive slowly (Rich says too slow is also dangerous), and if there is no fog or rain to distort my vision. But even under perfect conditions, night driving makes me nervous.
So, when should nervousness stop us from driving or working or doing anything else?
One senior services blog says the signs that it may be time to stop driving are: uneasiness while driving; difficulty maintaining or moving into the correct traffic lane; hitting curbs; and having trouble parking (I’m not sure about that—I’ve known a lot of people who could never parallel park.)
But notice the first one mentioned is uneasiness while driving. So I’m willing to concede that extreme nervousness or anxiety about driving may be a sign we should stop doing it...maybe.
Do you remember the heart-pounding thrill of riding a roller coaster? I’ve never liked them, but some of you probably do—or did. But I remember a similar racing of the heart while watching a scary movie or reading a thriller novel. In my younger days I liked the excitement of being scared, but not anymore. I like my heart to remain calm and steady, no thrill-seeking for me.
So when I urged you to feel the anxiety, but do it anyway, I was not taking into consideration that a time would come when the thrill wasn’t worth the intense anxiety that came with the activity. And I had not considered that age will change what we can do and what we should do.
There’s an age limit for commercial airline pilots (65) for a reason—reflexes are slower, decision-making may take longer, multi-tasking becomes more difficult. This is a generalization, of course and doesn’t apply to everyone. But do we want to fly with a pilot who might have slow reflexes?
So, to anyone who was offended by my comments in the earlier column about not giving up driving just because it made you nervous, I apologize. I now say, “Congratulations if you have the good sense to know your limits.”
However, I continue to believe we should do everything possible to avoid narrowing our lives—we should remain active, work into our 80s or 90s if we want to, learn a new skill, make new friends, be involved in the community and continue driving—as long as those things don’t risk lives.
Nervous driving or driving at night when we can’t see well are perhaps indicators that it’s something we should stop doing. And this could apply to other activities as we age—skydiving or flying a plane or working in a job that causes so much stress it affects our health.
I can’t judge whether your sore toe is worse than mine, and I can’t judge if your anxiety about driving (or doing anything else) is a reason to stop doing it. Only you can decide. Hopefully the wisdom we acquire as we age will direct us.
And if we lack wisdom, Scripture tells us the Father will grant it when we ask. I will continue to ask Him for guidance on my aging journey.
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Diana Walters retired from paid employment at age 76. Now 77, she is again working half-time, volunteering, writing and spending time with her husband. She believes we all need a purpose to get up every day and not having one is the downfall of many a senior. One of Diana’s purposes is working on this weekly column. She enjoys hearing from readers and can be reached at dianalwalters@comcast.net.