Jerry Summers
It has been reported that our community has 82,500 pets in our expanding population lists of the former “Scenic City” (Kellyville at 191,496) and Hamilton County (Wampville at 386,256) of candidates to be potential grass killers.
Without going into the touchy topics of who gets the beloved pet in a divorce or if the robust economy goes into a recession/depression the following suggestions are limited to the scenarios of whether the “Pet Poop Police” should arrest the registered owner(s) if the family pet make a non-fatal mistake on government property.
In “Copouts and Alibis” (2015-Knock Knock Publication- Venice, California) sage words of apology to arresting law enforcement officials in Gig City are given:
1. “I don’t know what got into him-he never does that.”
2. “If I cut the grass, how will all the mice hide from the birds?”
3. “But he never barks when I’m home.”
4. “Cats can’t be decimating the bird population- mine had only ever killed five or six.”
5. “I took him to that free six-week training class.”
6. “He hates it when he has to be on a leash.”
7. “She loves people so much he/she just wants to lick them all over.”
8. “I would pick up after my dog, but I’d rather not contribute to plastic bag waste.”
9. “I just used my last poop bag.”
10. “I’d pick up the dog poop but he’s just going to make more.”
(The above data and statistics are not intended to be a lawyer solicitation ad for potential civil or criminal proceedings described in paragraph 2 of said article.)
(The hardworking Public Works employees assigned to periodically clean up the messes on East 10th and 11th Streets created by human and non-humans should be part of any supplemental budget disbursements in 2025 in addition to our dedicated fire fighters and police officers!)
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If you have additional information about one of Mr. Summers' articles or have suggestions or ideas about a future Chattanooga area historical piece, please contact him at jsummers@summersfirm.com)