Diana Walters: What To Leave Behind

  • Wednesday, January 22, 2025
  • Diana Walters
Diana Walters
Diana Walters
Rich and I watched a Dr. Phil re-run about hoarders while eating lunch.

I admit I have hoarder tendencies. I have several clothes sizes in my closet (in case I lose weight or gain weight; those empty pill bottles could be useful—for what I do not know, but I’ll use them someday; and I may want to re-read that knee-high stack of magazines in the corner.

I’m not a full-blown hoarder. I can get rid of things. But I can’t bear to throw useful items in the trash; things someone probably wants or needs.
That’s what thrift shops are for. Any item that I know I won’t use and friends or family don’t need goes to thrift shops that support ministries. I even take clothing that is quite worn to the thrift store (except underwear—they go to the trash) because what can’t be sold in the shop can still be sold to textile recycling companies. I take non-clothing items to the recycling plant.

See, I can get rid of stuff as long as I don’t have to throw it in the dumpster.

When we move in with my daughter and son-in-law I will be forced to overcome even the slightest hoarding tendency. We will have two rooms and a bath to ourselves and share the living/dining/kitchen area with Jen and Dan. We’re looking forward to the transition, but I need to get rid of all the miscellaneous items I have kept because they “might be useful someday.”

The move is similar to what people experience when they move from their family home to a retirement community. I recently asked my friends at the senior community where I volunteer what were the hardest things to part with when they moved into a one or two room apartment.

Their answers included: cookbook collection, pictures, a lot of clothes, the property, furniture that had been in the family for decades, and a box of memorabilia that one woman had compiled over the years. Another person said, “I don’t know what my family did with all my stuff. They moved me into an assisted living while I was in the hospital, and I had no voice about what to keep.”

That, to me, is the saddest thing—not having a choice.

When my brother needed to move to assisted living after his wife died, my sister was with him at his home, helping him sort the clothing he wanted to keep. After they counted out a dozen of his “favorite” flannel shirts, Sue told him the other dozen would have to be given away—he wouldn’t have room for them (obviously hoarding tendencies run in the family; you should see Sue’s upstairs, which is piled ceiling-high with enough fabric and yarn to last her 30 years.)

If you are helping a relative move into a smaller space, I recommend giving them as much choice about what to take as possible. Practicality has to be part of the decision of course; a grand piano won’t fit into an 800 square-foot apartment.

If possible, temporarily store some of their things in a safe place; it may lessen their angst about leaving them behind. And if they have not asked about “that teapot Aunt Jewel gave me” for six months, they have probably forgotten it or it wasn’t as important to them as they thought.

When you are the one downsizing, here are a few questions to ask yourself about what to get rid of:

- Do you use the item regularly? (I haven’t worn those boots in 10 years, so probably don’t need them.)

- Can the item be easily replaced if you discover you need it?

- How much sentimental value does it have? (Of my 92 collector bears, there are probably only 20 that have special meaning attached to them.)

- Do you have more of an item than you need? (I do not need those 20 food storage boxes or ten serving bowls.)

As I prepare for our move, I have gone through boxes of photographs, throwing away duplicates and fuzzy pictures, as well as pictures of people I don’t remember. I also took a box of pictures to the last family reunion and gave them to family members who wanted them. And I sent home with my son two large pieces of artwork a mutual friend painted. Christopher was happy to have them.

I will have room for only one bookcase, so I’ve been giving writing books to a writer friend. And extra copies of Chicken Soup books in which I’ve been published to friends in the senior community. I’m also consolidating contents of two large dressers into one, which means reducing two drawers of socks to one drawer and keeping only five favorite nightgowns—after all, we will have a washing machine.

So, little by little I am relinquishing items from my old life to prepare for my new one. See, I’m not a hoarder. But I still don’t want to get rid of that pile of old magazines.

I’ll end with these words from Matthew 6:19-20 (Common English Bible), “Stop collecting treasures for your own benefit on earth, where moth and rust eat them and where thieves break in and steal them. Instead, collect treasures for yourselves in heaven, where moth and rust don’t eat them and where thieves don’t break in and steal them.”

* * *

Diana Walters retired from paid employment at age 76. Now 77, she is again working half-time, volunteering, writing and spending time with her husband. She believes we all need a purpose to get up every day and not having one is the downfall of many a senior. One of Diana’s purposes is working on this weekly column. She enjoys hearing from readers and can be reached at dianalwalters@comcast.net.
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