Roy Exum
I just painted myself into a corner this week, with the Holy Week coming at the same time as our National Vietnam War Veterans Day. It was signed into law last year when President Trump decreed it should be celebrated every March 29th (the day in 1973 when the last U.S. troops came home). In honesty, I ran out of days to properly salute the men and women who served our nation at a time in our history when the war wasn’t popular, but when bravery, courage and valor was still in abundance and on display every day for 10 years.
There is absolutely nothing funny about Vietnam but darned if I’m going to miss any chance to salute our troops who were there. I personally knew nine of those whose names are on the Viet Nam Memorial Wall in Washington. On Thursday a fact sheet on the beautiful shrine was included in my emails and it must be shared.
Remember I don’t author The Funnies – what you read are some of my weekly emails. So before I get to this week’s edition of the Saturday Funnies, allow me to include proof of how truly magnificent are those who have fought for the United States of America.
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THERE ARE 33,103 NAMES OF 18-YEAR-OLDS ON THE VIETNAM WALL
There are 58,267 names now listed on that polished black wall, including those added in 2010. The names are arranged in the order in which they were taken from us by date and within each date the names are alphabetized. It is hard to believe it is 36 years since the last casualties.
The first known casualty was Richard B. Fitzgibbon, of North Weymouth, Mass. Listed by the U.S. Department of Defense as having been killed on June 8, 1956. His name is listed on the Wall with that of his son, Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Richard B. Fitzgibbon III, who was killed on Sept. 7, 1965.
* -- There are three sets of fathers and sons on the Wall.
* -- 39,996 on the Wall were just 22 or younger.
* -- 8,283 were just 19 years old.
* -- The largest age group, 33,103 were 18 years old.
* -- 12 soldiers on the Wall were 17 years old.
* -- 5 soldiers on the Wall were 16 years old.
* -- One soldier, PFC Dan Bullock was 15 years old.
* -- 997 soldiers were killed on their first day in Vietnam.
* -- 1,448 soldiers were killed on their last day in Vietnam.
* -- 31 sets of brothers are on the Wall.
* -- 54 soldiers attended Thomas Edison High School in Philadelphia.
* -- 8 Women are on the Wall, killed nursing the wounded.
* -- 244 soldiers were awarded the Medal of Honor during the Vietnam War; 153 of them are on the Wall.
* -- Beallsville, Ohio with a population of 475 lost six of her sons.
* -- West Virginia had the highest casualty rate per capita in the nation. There are 711 West Virginians on the Wall.
* -- The most casualty deaths for a single day was on January 31, 1968 -- 245 deaths.
* -- The most casualty deaths for a single month was May 1968 -- 2,415 casualties were incurred.
THE MARINES OF MORENCI -- They led some of the scrappiest high school football and basketball teams that the little Arizona copper town of Morenci (pop. 5,058) had ever known and cheered. They enjoyed roaring beer busts. In quieter moments, they rode horses along the Coronado Trail, stalked deer in the Apache National Forest. And in the patriotic camaraderie typical of Morenci's mining families, all nine male graduates of Morenci High enlisted as a group in the Marine Corps. Their service began on Independence Day, 1966. Only three returned home.
THE BUDDIES OF MIDVALE -- Le Roy Tafoya, Jimmy Martinez, and Tom Gonzales were all boyhood friends and lived on three consecutive streets in Midvale, Utah on Fifth, Sixth and Seventh avenues. They lived only a few yards apart. They played ball at the adjacent sandlot ball field. And they all went to Vietnam. In a span of 16 dark days in late 1967, all three would be killed. Le Roy was killed on Wednesday, Nov. 22, the fourth anniversary of John F. Kennedy's assassination. Jimmy died less than 24 hours later on Thanksgiving Day. Tom was shot assaulting the enemy on Dec. 7, Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day.
For most Americans who read this they will only see the numbers that the Vietnam War created. To the proud veterans who survived the war, and to the families of those who did not, we see the faces, we feel the pain that these numbers created. We are, until we too pass away, haunted with these numbers, because they were our friends, fathers, husbands, wives, sons and daughters.
There are no noble wars, but the United States has cherished many noble warriors.
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A TEACHER’S LOGIC AFTER HER JOB INTERVIEW
After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said: "Let me see if I've got this right?
You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages and instill in them a love for learning.
You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually-transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self-esteem and personal pride.
You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a check book, and apply for a job.
You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and ensure that they all pass their final exams.
You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicap and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Arabic or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for "New Start."
You want me to do all this, and then you tell me …
I CAN'T wear a necklace with a little cross, mention “God,” or say "Merry Christmas" because someone might take offense?”
It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'God' in our education system or the Lord's Prayer said in our government, schools or public meetings.
Well, you know what you can do with your job …
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‘BAD LITTLE JOHNNY’ GOES TO CONFESSION
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy for four months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Little Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months’ vacation and five good leads.”
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