Roy Exum: The Saturday Funnies

Friday, October 22, 2021 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

Baseball’s World Series begins this week and The Saturday Funnies salutes maybe the best player to ever appear in the Series …

WHO WAS ‘YOGI’ BERRA & WHY WAS HE SO FUNNY?

A LITTLE BACKGROUND … "Yogi" Berra (May 12, 1925 – September 22, 2015) was an American professional baseball catcher who later took on the roles of manager and coach. He played 19 seasons in Major League Baseball (MLB) (1946–1963, 1965), all but the last for the New York Yankees. He was an 18-time All-Star and won 10 World Series championships as a player—more than any other player in MLB history. Berra had a career batting average of .285, while hitting 358 home runs and 1,430 runs batted in.

He is one of only six players to win the American League Most Valuable Player Award three times. He is widely regarded as one of the greatest catchers in baseball history and was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1972.

After he retired in his final years with the Mets, Yogi spent the next year as the manager, then joined the New York Mets in 1965 as coach (and briefly a player again). Berra remained with the Mets for the next decade, serving the last four years as their manager. He returned to the Yankees in 1976, coaching them for eight seasons and managing for two, before coaching the Houston Astros. He was one of seven managers to lead both American and National League teams to the World Series. Berra appeared as a player, coach or manager in every one of the 13 World Series that New York baseball teams won from 1947 through 1981.[2] Overall, he played or coached in 21 World Series, 13 on the winning side. Berra caught Don Larsen's perfect game in Game 5 of the 1956 World Series. He also holds the all-time record for shutouts caught with 173.

Oh, and his baseball career was interrupted by a stint in the Navy during World War II, where he served as a gunner’s mate in the Normandy Invasion.

Berra quit school after the eighth grade. He was known for his malapropisms as well as pithy and paradoxical statements, such as "It ain't over 'til it's over", while speaking to reporters. He once simultaneously denied and confirmed his reputation by stating, "I really didn't say everything I said." (from Wikipedia)

* * *

SOME OF YOGI’S GREATEST LINES

“Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.”

“In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.”

“Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.”

“The future ain't what it used to be.”

"Mickey Mantle was a very good golfer, but we weren’t allowed to play golf during the season; only at spring training."

"If the people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, nobody’s going to stop them."

"I can see how he (Sandy Koufax) won 25 games. What I don’t understand is how he lost five."

"In baseball, you don’t know nothing."

"I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

"I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house."

"I wish everybody had the drive he (Joe DiMaggio) had. He never did anything wrong on the field. I’d never seen him dive for a ball, everything was a chest-high catch, and he never walked off the field."

"It’s deja vu all over again."

"I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4."

"Never answer an anonymous letter."

"We made too many wrong mistakes."

"You can observe a lot by watching."

"If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else."

"You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there."

"It gets late early out here."

"Even Napoleon had his Watergate."

"Pair up in threes."

"We have deep depth."

"Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel."

"A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore."

* * *

TERRIFIC ONE LINERS FROM OTHERS

Do you ever listen to someone and think they have the IQ of a crayon?

If you ever see me jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me.

I didn't mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for Mute.

Young men think old men are stupid; old men know young men are stupid.

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” - George Carlin

* * *

THE COAT-HANGER THINKER

One rainy evening, my husband and I emerged from a restaurant only to find that he had locked the keys in the car.

He insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so we went back to the restaurant to get one.

There were none to be found.

He then ran to a department store a block away and returned with a hanger.

After a few attempts, he got the door open and we climbed in.

As we sat there, soaked and cold, he stuck the hanger under his seat.

With a smug grin, he said, "Now if this ever happens again, I'll have one handy."

* * *

A $75 PULLOVER IS A DEAL!

"Hey, you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. The lady complied, and she was fined seventy-five dollars for not wearing a seat belt.

She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined their bank account, should learn of the incident. Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, "One pullover: $75."

* * *

THE BABY IS DARLING BUT …

A mother was taking a shower when her 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.

Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for her camera and took a few shots.

They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards.

Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look.

Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!

* * *

A TEA-PARTY WITH DAD

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2-1/2 years old.

I was playing with my little 'tea set'.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of "tea," which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!"

So, I brought another cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

* * *

WHO IS MORE TRUSTWORTHY?

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.

"No woman can keep a secret." said one man.

"I don't know about that," answered a woman guest.

"I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one."

"You'll let it out some day," the man insisted.

"I hardly think so!" responded the lady.

"When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."

* * *

THIS WEEK’S BEST VIDEOS

* -- Elvis Presley - You Gave Me A Mountain (Aloha From Hawaii, Live in Honolulu, 1973) CLICK HERE.

* -- Céline Dion has had a tough time with her health this week so here is a tape she made with Andrea Bocelli. Since October 22, 2015 over 145,843,634 have viewed “The Prayer.” CLICK HERE.

* -- Gerry & The Pacemakers - You'll Never Walk Alone [Official Video] 51,220,776 views CLICK HERE

* -- A special chorus of USMC The Marines' Hymn CLICK HERE.

* -- The Most Romantic Song Ever!!! This is ‘Felt so Right’ by Sarah Geronimo. Yes, 48,983,066 views so far! CLICK HERE.

* * *

A BIT OF A BONUS!

* -- Pay attention: This is ‘If You Remember Me,’ a wonderful song by Chris Thomson and pay particular attention to the lyrics. CLICK HERE.

* -- Here is the same song, ‘If You Remember Me’ but this is the KARAOKE VERSION with lyrics. In short, you’ll actually sing the song. Turn your speakers up loud and belt it out! CLICK HERE.

royexum@aol.com


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