Best Of Grizzard - June Romance

  • Friday, December 2, 2022
  • Jerry Summers

Lewis Grizzard (LG) expressed characteristics as his preferences of a bride.

Although he engaged in three divorces and four marriages in his brief life span of 47 years (1947-1994) he was an active participant in the pursuit of the fairer sex all his life.

In his book “Elvis Is Dead and I Don’t Feel So Good Myself” (1984 -Peachtree Publishers) the voluntary participant in multiple unsuccessful matrimonial adventures lists at least twenty-eight (28) characteristics as to “what sort of woman I would want to marry if I even marry again!”

Obviously, the test is too long to mention all of them but on pages 136-138 of the above publication they are available for review in their entirety.

(The review will confirm and add evidence to the rumor that he was a difficult or impossible date or spouse during his adult life.)

I have selectively chosen in his own words the traits and features that LG wanted in a prospective future Mrs. Grizzard:

1. “I would like to have a wife who cooks a meal occasionally, even if she happens to be the Governess;”

2. “I do not want a woman who has hairy legs like mine;”

3. “I want her to be good to my dog;”

4. “I don’t want a woman who knees me in the belly when I forget to put the top back onto the toothpaste;”

5. “I want her to talk sweetly on the morning after I’ve made a fool out of myself at a party and have a terrible hangover;”

6. “I want her to like country music;”

7. “I want her to at least understand the basics of college football as it is played in major conferences;”

8. “I don’t want a woman who introduces me to all sorts of strange s_ _ _ _ _ techniques that she picked up on a recent business trip to the Orient;”

9. “I want a woman who I stand at least an even chance at beating in a game of Trivia Pursuit;” and

10. “I don’t want a woman who comes to bed smelling like a can of Pennzoil because her hobby is rebuilding race cars for the Junior Johnson racing team;”

(The balance of the desired traits are no less sexist or discriminatory and may help to explain Lewis Grizzard’s lack of total success in the wedlock area)

* * *

You can reach Jerry Summers at jsummers@summersfirm.com)
Jerry Summers
Entertainment
Lee University School Of Music To Host Clarinet Day
  • 1/26/2023

Lee University’s School of Music will host Clarinet Day on Saturday, a showcase of clarinet music featuring local high school performers who will present a concert at 5:30 p.m., followed by a ... more

WTCI Flagship, Raise Your Hand, To Feature Local Spanish-Immersion Elementary Students
  • 1/26/2023

WTCI announces its flagship program, Raise Your Hand, will broadcast a series of special episodes featuring a group of elementary school students who are proficient in both Spanish and English, ... more

Lee University Theatre To Present “Crossing Delancey”
Lee University Theatre To Present “Crossing Delancey”
  • 1/26/2023

Lee Theatre will kick off its spring season with the production “Crossing Delancey” by Susan Sandler on Feb. 10 and 11, and Feb. 16, 17, and 18 in the Buzz Oates Blackbox Theatre at 7:30 p.m. ... more

Placeholder New Ad Type will go here