Barristers Rescue Gig City Visitor From Perils Of Lake James-Maclellan

  • Friday, March 31, 2023
  • Jerry Summers
Jerry Summers
Jerry Summers

A newcomer to the Gig City was recently saved from drowning after slipping into the clear, pristine waters of Lake James-Maclellan.

The newcomer was unaware of what dangers lurked under the aquatic reservoir in the level walkway between Chestnut Street and the new “Reimagined Broad Street” and a close but non-fatal accident occurred. As the potential victim leaned forward and stepped on the residue from one of the beloved members of the local NPAS labor union,(Non Poop And Scoop) they toppled into the abyss.

Due to the severe discharge following the deluge of rain that resulted in the two tributaries of the Tennessee River overflowing their banks in spite of the provision of the 2012 consent decree for $186M to the Environmental Protection Agency and the Tennessee Waste Water Agency, it is unclear whether swallowing any of the contents of said cool waters will have any permanent effect upon the Garden State exile.

Only the quick heroic action of two of the “Dynamo of Dixie's’” bashful “Best of the Bashful Barristers” doing an updated commercial from the top of one of the new 56 passenger all electric “Nooga Shuttles” saw the potential tragedy and rushed to the rescue.

For their quick action the city of Chattanooga recognized the duo and awarded them four passes to the latest heavily acclaimed family oriented stage production in the Southside Entertainment district.

(Happy April Fools Day!)


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