There may not be an amorous St Valentine's Day message in Lewis Grizzard's sixth best seller, (1983 - Warner Books) “If Love Were Oil, I'd Be About A Quart Low” but he tells humorous tales that every American boy, girl, etc. should tactfully ask their parents about before they pass or suffer from dementia (or fake it) as to the important question of when, where and under what circumstances they were conceived (become pregnant with child.)
Since Gig City has allocated $500,000 of one of its 100,000 federal free grant funds to study the next “Chattanooga Choo Choo” with rail construction to begin with the upcoming four year term of our next non-partisan Democrat mayor (TK) or our non-partisan Republican mayor (CL) a quick review of the above publication reveals that LG had the same concern about his original conception, which he addressed in a non-descriptive, but factual analysis.
“I always have had a thing for trains. I realize now that I got it honestly. After I became a grown man, it occurred to me that I would like to know the complete details of my birth. I'm not talking about finding out what color rubber gloves the doctor wore when he delivered me; I'm talking about I wanted to know under just what circumstances I was conceived. It should be the right of every American to know such, unless he or she feels that being told this, information might indicate they were not exactly the result of planned parenthood, as in, "Well, one night your father came home drunk, and..."
I was willing to take this risk, however, and so one day when I was old enough not to be embarrassed in front of my mother that I knew about such things, I asked her how she came to be pregnant. The former Christine Word spared me all the details, but she did indicate that my father was in such a state of anxiousness on that train ride back to Columbus, that that there is an excellent chance that somewhere out on the Central of Georgia high iron, as the crack Man o' War cut its way southward out of Atlanta, my parents broke the ground that spawned me. At any rate, whenever someone asks me what sign I was born under, I usually tell them that if one considers the moment of conception as the actual date of first life, I may have been introduced into this world under the sign that reads,
"Dining Car in Opposite Direction."
(Before any reader gets upset over the frankness of said remarks by the Moreland, Georgia native it should be disclosed that one of the favorable comments by newspapers on the best seller and the front is by the reviewer of the slightly left leaning Chattanooga Times in 1983).
(Any prospective purchase of the Love Adventure Treatise of LG’s romantic experiences in the dating game, three failed marriages, single life as a thrice time divorcee, etc., should be forewarned about the potential for a memory flashback if you are a senior citizen.)
----
If you have additional information about one of Mr. Summers' articles or have suggestions or ideas about a future Chattanooga area historical piece, please contact him at jsummers@summersfirm.com)
Jerry Summers