Roy Exum: The Sunday Funnies

Sunday, June 13, 2021 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

Hooray for the Sunday Funnies, which usually show up when technical difficulties take place just before midnight on Friday, snuffing out the customary Saturday Funnies. It should be known technical difficulties include “Operator Error” as the fault for delay but there is neither rhyme nor reason to what happened on Friday. Suffice it to say this version of the Sunday Funnies was “saved” at least a dozen times in fear the computer monster might devour it.  Please pardon this week’s delay…

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THIS WEEK’S TEST QUESTIONS

In an effort to keep our young on their toes after a disastrous school year, here are 10 questions we are told that most high school student can answer:

1.

How many innings does a baseball game have? a. 7; b. 8; c. 10; or d. 9

2. What is the name of the oldest city in the world? a. Byblos, Lebanon; b. Aleppo, Syria; c. Damascus, Syria; or, d. Jericho, West Bank

3. "What goes up must come down", who said it? a. Isaac Newton; b. Charles Darwin; c. Albert Einstein; or, d. Stephen Hawking

4. A math one, an angle of 180 degrees is known as? a. Obtuse Angle; b. Acute Angle; c. Straight Angle; or, d. Right Angle

5. What do we call "Nitrous Oxide" in general meaning? a. Laughing Gas; b. Welding Gas; c. Tear Gas; or, d. There is no other name of Nitrous Oxide

6. Can you tell us the correct meaning of the Italian word "Adagio"? a. Fast; b. Run; c. Slow; or, d. Stop

7. Do you know the worth of one dime? a. 1 Cent; b. 5 Cents; c. 15 Cents; or, d. 10 Cents

8. What is the fundamental unit of structure and function of life in all living things in the world? a. Electron; b. Nucleus; c. Neutron; or, d. Cell

9. "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.", whose saying is this? a. Steve Jobs; b. Bill Gates; c. Winston Churchill; or, d. Alexander Graham Bell

10. Which of the following is the highest waterfall in the world? a. Tugela Falls; b. Mardalsfossen Waterfall; c. Angel Waterfall; or, d. Gocta Waterfall

THIS WEEK’S RIDDLE: “What kinds of flowers are best friends?”

(This Week’s Answers are below)

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A FARM KID JOINS THE MARINES

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Franklin by a mile.

Tell them to join up quick before all the places get filled up.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting used to sleeping late now.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your bunk and shine some stuff. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not that bad, because there’s warm water here.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on steak, potatoes, ham, fried okra, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on “forced marches,” which the platoon sergeant says is necessary to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different.

A “forced march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet, and we all ride back in big trucks.

The sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the principal. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting awards for shooting. I don’t know why. The bullseye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Wilson boys at home.

All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be really careful though, they break really easy.

It ain’t like fighting with them boys back home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tom Johnson from over in Mason City.

I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6? and 130 pounds and he’s 6’6? and near 300 pounds.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

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THE SMARTEST THINKER SITS ON THE BACK ROW

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

"My father grows beans," said one girl.

"My mother cooks beans," said a boy.

A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

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LITTLE ANNE MADE A HUNDRED IN SCHOOL

Little Anne came running into the house after the school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got 100 in school today!"

"That's great sweetheart!" said her daddy.

"Come into the living room and tell me about it," daddy continued.

Little Anne said, "Well, I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math and 20 in science."

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THE REAL REASON WE ARE OFFERED SERVICE

I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service'

U.S. Postal 'Service'

Telephone 'Service'

Cable / TV ‘Service'

Civil 'Service'

City, County & State Public 'Service'

Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.  But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows. BAM!!!  It all came into focus.

Now I understand what all those agencies are doing. I hope that you are now just as enlightened as I am!

* * *

THE AMAZING WORD ‘UP’

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP'. It is listed in the dictionary as an (adv), (prep), (adj), (n) or (v).

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the Political officers UP for election and why is it UP to the Secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 Of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for a while, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!

Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?

U (you) P (pee)!

Did that one crack you UP?

Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book . . . or not ..... it's UP to you.

Now I'll shut UP!

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THIS WEEK’S TEST ANSWERS

1. A baseball game has nine regular innings.

2. Damascus of Syria is the oldest city in the world.

3. Isaac Newton said it.

4. It is a Straight Angle.

5. Laughing Gas is the right one.

6. ‘Slow’ is the correct meaning of Adagio.

7. The worth of one dime is 10 cents.

8. Cell it is.

9. Winston Churchill said it.

10. Angel Waterfall is the highest.

RIDDLE: Rose buds.

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THIS WEEK’S VIDEOS

* -- The Mormon Tabernacle Choir tackles Windor’s Toccata. The choir’s "Sing!" is based on Toccata, from Organ Symphony no 5. at the 2012 Pioneer Day Commemoration Concert, The Joy of Song. Written by Charles-Marie Windor; arranged by David Willcocks. CLICK HERE.

* -- “Godspeed” Sometimes Statements Need To Be Made. Over 21.4 million have watched this video. CLICK HERE.

* -- “Live Your Life!” – Chief Tecumseh’ poem. CLICK HERE.

* -- Candid Camera: To keep silverware from being swiped, they chained down the forks and spoons. CLICK HERE.

* -- Funny Signs By The Legendary Tex-Mex Restaurant, El Arroyo, in Texas CLICK HERE.

royexum@aol.com


Congratulations, Democrats

Marie Mott Needs Our Prayers - And Response

Statement On Proposed Rule For Prohibited Concepts In Instruction


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Opinion

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Marie Mott Needs Our Prayers - And Response

Former City Council candidate and protest leader Marie Mott and I used to be friends. We had a public falling out over defunding the police and other political issues. I respect her and know how intelligent she is; her I.Q is off the charts and she is extremely well read. It is sad to see her get arrested again, especially over a domestic issue. I miss her suggesting ... (click for more)

Breaking News

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Sports

Football Mocs Start Camp Wednesday

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